Length Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man and his pet chimp are drinking at the local bar and the drunk chimp goes berserk and runs screaming down the length of the bar, spilling drinks, slapping customers, eating peanuts by the handfull, then leaps onto the billiards table and eats the 8-ball.
Needless to say, the bartender bans the two from the bar until the man can properly train his chimp.
Two weeks later, the man and chimp return and after some drinks, the monkey again goes berserk and runs screaming down the length of the bar, slapping customers all the way.
Then he leaps over to the peanut bowl, delicately grabs a single peanut, dips it in his bung hole, then eats it. He repeats this peanut eating process a couple of times and the bartender, angry, asks the man what kind of "training" his monkey has had.
The man says "Hey, cut the little guy some slack. After that 8-ball incident, at least he measures his food now!"
A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting
Quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc. A mathematician comes along, finds out
Their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground where he can measure it easily. When he leaves, one engineer
Says to the other: "just like a mathematician! We needed to know the height, and he gave us the length!"
1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole.2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe.3. The I.D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O.D. (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside.4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site.N.B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site.6. All pipe over 500ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe.7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2km) in length must have the words "long pipe" painted in the middle, so the Contractor more...
A woman goes into a bar real depressed and uses her last 10 dollars to buy a drink. All of a sudden she gets an idea that she knows will solve her problems.
She takes her change and goes to the man at the end of the bar and says, " Mister, I'm broke and my landlord said if I dont give him the rent money first thing in the morning, I'm out of a place to live. I'll bet you my last five dollars that i can come up with a rhyme that you can't come up with a reply to."
The man wanting to help her says ok go ahead.
So she tells him, "six times six is thirty-six and three is thirty-nine. I can tell the length of yours but you can't tell the depth of mine."
The man scratches his head and says, "your right, I can't top that." and he pays her the five dollars.
Then she goes to the next man and the next until she has beat every man in the bar. So she goes to the next bar and starts betting 100 at a time. She does this at every bar on the block more...
A woman goes into a bar real depressed and uses her last 10 dollars to buy a drink. All of a sudden she gets an idea that she knows will solve her problems.She takes her change and goes to the man at the end of the bar and says, " Mister, I'm broke and my landlord said if I dont give him the rent money first thing in the morning, I'm out of a place to live. I'll bet you my last five dollars that i can come up with a rhyme that you can't come up with a reply to."The man wanting to help her says ok go ahead.So she tells him, "six times six is thirty-six and three is thirty-nine. I can tell the length of yours but you can't tell the depth of mine."The man scratches his head and says, "your right, I can't top that." and he pays her the five dollars.Then she goes to the next man and the next until she has beat every man in the bar. So she goes to the next bar and starts betting 100 at a time. She does this at every bar on the block until she has 3,000 dollars. more...
The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen.
"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."
One student replied:
"You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."
This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case.
The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.
For five minutes the student sat in silence, more...