Length Jokes / Recent Jokes

Good ol' jokes, guaranteed 100% original, written by JonathanCaws-Elwitt (my husband):
Why couldn't the waiter deliver the soup? Because no one had signed the bill of ladling.
Cop making rounds: "Is there anyone else in that car with you?"Banker: "No, I'm a loan officer."
In Arabia, what's the best place to stay if you want to avoid the expensive hotels? At a Bedouin breakfast.
Why did the struggling actor want to play the Kaiser? Because it's a big roll.
Who wears an albatross and a measuring tape around his neck? Samuel Tailor Coleridge.
What sings and dances and issues speeding tickets? A state trouper.
What does a Late Victorian dramatist use to lather his beard? Shavian cream.
Who's never been to a bear mitzvah? Gentile Ben.
The new DC-90 is over 1000 feet in length, a length which far exceeds that of any other aircraft. What do you call this situation? A long plane record.
What do you call mewing, purring, and playing more...

Tigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr like a freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To take a tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are not recommended for the inexperienced. What you need is one who`s used to the procedure. He or she is thus liable to be merely playful, rather than actively irritated. You also need a friend, whom you really, really trust. The friend carries an apple wood cane; apple, or some other wood which will bend under stress rather than shattering. This, friend, is your backup, and the cane is his or her only tool for everything, from knocking stuff out of the way that the tiger is liable to eat, to crowd control, to hooking on and madly hanging on if things go wrong.

What YOU carry is a ten foot length of pass-link chain. This is your leash.

Pass-link chain is the stuff where the links will fit through each other. This is important. You need this more...

"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."

One student replied:

"You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."

This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.

For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead more...

A group of managers were given he assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they went to the flagpole with a ladder and a measuring tape. They keep falling off the ladder, dropping the tape and the whole thing in mess. An engineer comes along and sees what they are trying to do. He walks over, pull the flagpole out of the ground, lay it flat, measure it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the manager and walk away. After the engineer left, one of the manager turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer? We are looking for the height and he gives us the length."

A woman goes into a bar real depressed and uses her last 10 dollars to buy a drink. All of a sudden she gets an idea that she knows will solve her problems. She takes her change and goes to the man at the end of the bar and says, " Mister, I'm broke and my landlord said if I dont give him the rent money first thing in the morning, I'm out of a place to live. I'll bet you my last five dollars that i can come up with a rhyme that you can't come up with a reply to." The man wanting to help her says ok go ahead. So she tells him, "six times six is thirty-six and three is thirty-nine. I can tell the length of yours but you can't tell the depth of mine." The man scratches his head and says, "your right, I can't top that." and he pays her the five dollars. Then she goes to the next man and the next until she has beat every man in the bar. So she goes to the next bar and starts betting 100 at a time. She does this at every bar on the block until she has 3, 000 more...

01
The first Prime minister of Bangladesh was Mujibur Rehman
02
The longest river in the world is the Nile
03
The longest highway in the world is the Trans-Canada
04
The longest highway in the world has a length of about 8000 km
05
The highest mountain in the world is the Everest
06
The country that accounts for nearly one third of the total teak production of the world is Myanmar
07
The biggest desert in the world is the Sahara desert
08
The largest coffee growing country in the world is Brazil
09
The country also known as "Country of Copper" is Zambia
10
The name given to the border which separates Pakistan and Afghanistan is the Durand line
11
The river Volga flows out into the Caspian sea
12
The coldest place on the earth is Verkoyansk in Siberia
13
The country which ranks second in terms of land area is
Canada
14
The largest island in the Mediterranean sea is more...

Tigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr like a freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To take a tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are not recommended for the inexperienced. What you need is one who’s used to the procedure. He or she is thus liable to be merely playful, rather than actively irritated.
You also need a friend, whom you really, really trust. The friend carries an apple wood cane; apple, or some other wood, which will bend under stress rather than shattering. This, friend, is your backup, and the cane is his or her only tool for everything, from knocking stuff out of the way that the tiger is liable to eat, to crowd control, to hooking on and madly hanging on if things go wrong.
What YOU carry is a ten-foot length of pass-link chain. This is your leash.
Pass-link chain is the stuff where the links will fit through each other. This is important. You need this so more...