Lenny Jokes / Recent Jokes

George and Lenny decide to cross North America in a hot air balloon. However, neither were particularly experienced balloonists, and Lenny's mind quickly drifted from navigation to thoughts of how clouds look like cuddly little bunny rabbits. Upon realizing that they were lost, George declared, "Lenny - we are going to have to lose some altitude so we can figure out where we are."George lets some hot air out of the balloon, which slowly descended below the clouds, but he still couldn't tell where they were. Far below, they could see a man on the ground. George lowered the balloon, to ask the man their location.When they were low enough, George called down to the man, "Hey, can you tell us where we are?" The man on the ground yelledback, "You're in a balloon, about 100 feet up in the air."George Called down to the man, "You must be a lawyer." "Gee, George," Lenny replied, "How can you tell?" George answered, "Because the more...

One day Lenny bragged to his friend Vinny that he was personally acquainted with some of the most famous people in the world.

"I'm a good friend of Steven Spielberg's," bragged Lenny.

"Prove it," said Vinny. "Let's see you call him on the phone."

A few minutes later Lenny was at a pay phone dialing a number. After a moment, Lenny handed the phone to Vinny as a voice on the other end said, "Hello, this is Steven Spielberg."

"That was a trick," said Vinny. "Next you're gonna tell me you know the Queen of England."

Once again, Lenny dialed a number and gave the phone to Vinny. "Hello, the Queen of England speaking!"

"I still don't believe you," said Vinny.

That night the President of the United States came to town to give a speech. Lenny and Vinny arrived early to get a seat, but the moment the President was introduced, Lenny more...

Baghdad, Iraq (CNN) -- Iraq unveiled a list of the country's most-wanted Sunday, including Saddam Hussein's wife and daughter.
New York, New York (CNN) -- In response to Iraq, Lenny Marcus unveiled a list of his most-wanted Sunday, including Keira Knightley, Kate Beckinsale, and just about any chick that the guy's slept with on "Entourage."

George and Lenny decide to cross North America in a hot air balloon. However, neither were particularly experienced balloonists, and Lenny’s mind quickly drifted from navigation to thoughts of how clouds look like cuddly little bunny rabbits. Upon realizing that they were lost, George declared, “Lenny - we are going to have to lose some altitude so we can figure out where we are. ”
George lets some hot air out of the balloon, which slowly descended below the clouds, but he still couldn’t tell where they were. Far below, they could see a man on the ground. George lowered the balloon, to ask the man their location.
When they were low enough, George called down to the man, “Hey, can you tell us where we are? ” The man on the ground yelledback, “You’re in a balloon, about 100 feet up in the air. ”
George Called down to the man, “You must be a lawyer. ” “Gee, George, ” Lenny replied, “How can you tell? ” George answered, “Because the advice he more...

Moe and Lenny are strolling home from shul one Saturday morning. Suddenly a cab speeds past, and their friend, Irving, is running frantically behind it, flailing his arms wildly.
"Well," said Lenny, "I never imagined our good friend Irving was a Sabbath violator! Look at him running for that taxi."
"Wait a minute," Moe replied. "Didn't you read that book I lent you,' The Other Side of the Story', about the command to judge other people favorably? I'll bet we can think of hundreds of excuses for Irving's behavior."
"Yeah, like what?"
"Maybe he's sick and needs to go to the hospital."
"Come on! He was running 60 miles an hour after that cab - he's healthier than Arnold Schwartzenweis."
"Well, maybe his wife's having a baby."
"She had one last week."
"Well, maybe he needs to visit her in the hospital."
"She's home."
"Well, more...

Oct. 12, 2006 -- Women's skin ages faster than men's, suggests a study that used an experimental laser device to measure skin damage.

Lenny's ex-girlfriend Cindy. Age 34. Sad.

In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes. - Elizabeth Ashley
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus
No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. - Honore de Balzac
Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. - Ray Bandy
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. - Baskins
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. - Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame Inductions
Love: a temporary insanity often curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. - Ambrose Bierce
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David more...