Lettuce Jokes / Recent Jokes
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce try again tomorrow. Knock Knock
Who's there!
Lettuce!
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, won't you? Knock Knock
Who's there!
Lettuce!
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and I'll tell you!
There was a young boy who worked in the produce section of a market in a small town in Europe. One day a man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a half head. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter.
The boy walked into the back room and said, "there is some asshole out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman wants to buy the other half". The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?"
The boy more...
A prisioner in jail receives a letter from his wife. "I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter, "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the gold." A week or so later, he recieved another letter from his wife: "You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."
Dear Diary,
Monday;
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, it's fun to cook for Bill. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.
Tuesday;
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve without dressing." So, I didn't dress. But, Bill happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad!
Wednesday:
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So, I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week. I can't say it improved the rice any.
Thursday:
Today Bill asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of more...
There was a teenage boy who worked in the produce section of the local market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter. So he walked into the back and said,
"There's some jerk out there that wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce."
As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added,
"and this here gentleman wants to buy the other half..."
The manager Okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called on the boy and said,
"You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?"
The boy replied, "Canada, Sir."
"Oh really? Why did you leave Canada?" asked the manager.
The boy replied, "They're all just more...
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As
he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the
dawn breaking for the first time in his life. "Wow, this is great," he thought.
It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight-lots
of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
"Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"
"Yes. Come and join us," they cried.
Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. "What else do you
wild rabbits do?" he asked.
"Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up
and eat them."
This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour more...