Level Jokes / Recent Jokes
The following is an exact transcription of a letter John Mongan received from MIT, and the reply that he sent them.Unfortunately, they chose to discontinue their correspondence at that point. I have heard, however, that their recruitment letter has been revised and is far less snotty than it once was.
April 18, 1994 Mr. John T. Mongan
123 Main Street
Smalltown, California 94123-4567 Dear John: You've got the grades. You've certainly got the PSAT scores. And now you've got a letter from MIT. Maybe you're surprised.
Most students would be. But you're not most students. And that's exactly why I urge you to consider carefully one of the most selective
universities in America. The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT. It certainly got my attention! Engineering's not for you? No problem. It may surprise you to learn we offer more than 40 major fields of study, more...
A Guide to the Identification and Classification of North American FartsLearning- or better still, thinking up- names for fart types is atraditional early-adolescent ritual. Similarly, methods of identifyingthe source of a fart are a subject of peer-group, or tribal, speculation, the usual rule of thumb being "Who smelled it, dealt it,"or "The smeller's the feller."Occasionally, this oral tradition has acheived the level of Xeroxpublication, but never before has a systematic analysis, along the linesof Jane's Fighting ships or A Field Guide to the Birds, been attemptedin print. Tentatively, then, we present the following.Blind Farts: Traditional noiseless reekers. (Expression since circa1880 - see also "SBD's").Boomers: Full-throated, rousing explosions; the parent orginismfrequently betrays his or her authorship with a smile of ill-conceledpride.Carpet Creepers: Heavier- than- air creations, these linger andpermeate the atmosphere at or near ground more...
Drinking oneself to death need not be a long lingering process. Allan, a 33-year-old computer technician, showed his competitive spirit by dying of competitive spirits.
A Sydney, Australia hotel bar held a drinking competition, known as Feral Friday, with a 100-minute time limit and a sliding point scale ranging from one point for beer to eight points for hard liquor.
Allan stood and cheered his winning total of 236 (winners never quit), which had also netted him the literally staggering blood alcohol level of 0. 353, seven times greater than Australia's legal driving limit of 0. 05%.
After several trips to the usual temple of overindulgence (the bathroom), Allan was helped back to his workplace to sleep it off, a condition that became permanent. A forensic pharmacologist estimated that after downing 34 beers, 4 bourbons, and 17 shots of tequila within an hour and 40 minutes, his blood alcohol level would have been 0. 41 to 0. 43, but Allan had vomited more...
Breathalyzer test shows 0.09 blood-alcohol level, 3.7 sperm level.
New satellite measurements show that crucial sea ice in the Arctic Ocean has plummeted to its second-lowest level on record.
The lowest level was recorded last year during a visit by Rosie O'Donnell.
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip joint
at least once.
All beds have special L-shaped top sheets which reach up to armpit level on
a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the
control tower to talk you down.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will
wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range
of most people - whether they are employed or not.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the
steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone you bump into will
know all the more...
Imagine you lived a remote life but had satellite television and were able to see movies all of the time. How misguided would your life be? Below are a few of the things that you would have learned.
1. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
2 If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while SCUBA diving
5. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
6. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in more...