Lewinsky Jokes / Recent Jokes
What do Monica Lewinsky and a Coke Machine have in common?
They both have a sign that says, "Insert Bill here, face up."
What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in
common?
They were both upset when Bill finished first.
AP - Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released today, countered President Clinton's firm denial:"I have had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can't stomach any more. I feel as if I am getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in my face.""This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that is when I am at my best. I have faced hard things in the past, and I know what is coming. I will meet this challenge the only way that I know how: head on.""I have licked bigger things than this before, and I will again. No one will ever be able to say that Monica Lewinsky isn't a finisher, that she quit before the job was done. I will work non-stop and fight this, blow by blow, until I am wiped clean of this dirty affair. I will not be stained by it.""Thank you." Monica Lewinsky
Why did Monica Lewinsky accept an offer to work on the White House staff?
She didn't know what "staff" they really meant.
One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold a genie popped out." Greetings, Miss Lewinsky," the genie said. "Since you have released me, I will grant you one wish." "Well," Monica replied, "I'm going to be on television alot for a while, and I want to look my best. I wish you would get rid of these love handles." "Your wish is my command," said the genie. A wave of his hands, a puff of smoke... And her ears promptly fell off.
Q. How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House?
A. He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.
From the law offices of Johnnie Cochran, Esq., here are the top 10 proposed closing arguments in the matter of United States vs. William Jefferson Clinton:
10. If the dress ain't a mess, he won't need to confess
9. The economy's great, let the White Boy skate
8. If the Bitch didn't spit, you must acquit
7. If she is not spread eagle, then it is not illegal
6. Lewinsky's a whore, and Bill's better than Gore
5. So he lied to the masses, he was just saving some asses
4. He cheats on his wife, but its his personal life
3. Bill can't tell the truth till he sees Ken Starr's proof
2. Bill is not sleazy, Lewinsky's just easy
1. If the s** is just oral, it is not really immoral