Lick Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. Why did the little boy lick the lollypop lady?
A. because he thought she was a lollypop!!

A man walks into the bar with his wife. After a few drinks, he goes and uses the pisser. as soon as he wlked in their, a man walked up and said to her,
"man babby you got some nice tits i want to suck on them"
the women looking horified looked at him and said
"are you talking to me"? The man then said
"man babby you got a nice ass, i want to lick that shit".
the women says
"my husband is in the bathroom and he is going to kick your ass".
the man says
"man babby you got a nice pussy i want to tip you over and drink beer from that shit"
The women gets up ready to slap the man. as soon as he sees her husband walking up the man takes off. Her husband asks,
"whats wrong hunny"?
the women replies,
"Youll never believe it, this man just came up and said that he wanted to suck on my titties"
The man looks around and says,
"where is this guy"
The women more...

A man walks into the bar with his wife. After a few drinks, he goes and uses the pisser. as soon as he wlked in their, a man walked up and said to her,
"man babby you got some nice tits i want tosuck on them"
the women looking horified looked at him and said
"are you talking to me"? The man then said
"man babby you got a nice ass, i want to lick that shit".
the women says
"my husband is in the bathroom and he is going to kick your ass".
the man says
"man babby you got a nice pussy i want to tip you over and drink beer from that shit"
The women gets up ready to slap the man. as soon as he sees her husband walking up the man takes off. Her husband asks,
"whats wrong hunny"?
the women replies,
"Youll never believe it, this man just came up and said that he wanted to suck on my titties"
The man looks around and says,
"where is this guy"
The women more...

A bloke goes into a pub.
The barmaid asks what he wants.
'I want to put my head between your tits, and lick the sweat off,' he replies.
'You dirty bastard!' shouts the barmaid, 'Get out before I get my husband.'
The bloke apologizes and says he will never do it again.
The barmaid, disgusted, accepts his apology and asks what he wants again.
'I want to pull down your knickers, spread cottage cheese between your arse cheeks and lick it off,' he replies.
'What???' screams the barmaid, 'That's it! You're barred, you dirty, filthy, perverted bastard, get out now.'
Once again the bloke apologizes, and says he will never, ever do it again.
'Right. I'll give you one last chance,' says the barmaid. 'Now, what do you want?'
'I want to turn you upside down, fill your pussy with Guinness and drink it all out of you.'
The barmaid starts crying and runs upstairs to her husband, who is sitting down watching the telly.
'What's up, love?' says the more...

Yo mama's like... - Yo mama's like a T.V., even a two-year-old could turn her on. - Yo mama's like a bowling ball. She's picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and then comes back for more. - Yo mama's like a rifle...four cocks and she's loaded. - Yo mama's like a bubble gum machine...five cents a blow. - Yo mama's like Chinese food...sweet, sour, and cheap. - Yo mama's like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece. - Yo mama's like Burger King... Your way, right away. - Yo mama's like a squirrel, she's always got some nuts in her mouth. - Yo mama's like 7-Eleven... open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy. - Yo mama's like a toilet, fat, white, and smells like shit. - Yo mama's like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen. - Yo mama's like a street lamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner. - Yo mama's like a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day. - Yo mama's like a 747, she more...

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and sees that the bartender is a woman, a good looking woman. He calls her over and says, "I want to Fuck your brains out." The woman gasps in disgust. "You better watch your mouth. My boyfriend is a huge marine and when he hears THIS, he's gonna rip your head off." The guy apoligized, "I'm sorry, I just lost my mind, that won't happen again. If you could get me a drink I'll probably be a lot better."
So, the woman gets him a drink. He downs it and says to her, "I want to lick your body from head to toe."
"I already told you once," said the woman, "my boyfriend will rip you to shreds if he knew you said that."
So the guy apoligizes again, "I... I'm really sorry I just can't seem to get control of my hormones. Maybe another drink will do me good."
Once again the woman gets him a drink. Once again he downs it in no time. Well, about this time a huge guy walks in, the more...

Here's a late entry for the Darwin Awards - an award generally given out posthumously for the most stupid way to die. It is possibly the grossest and most disgusting nomination I have ever read. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED



A pre-med student from the University of Arizona was hoping to core big with his date on a Friday night. To put the girl in the mood, he drove her up to a spot on Mount Lemmon which overlooks the city of Tucson. They walked to an open knoll where they could ee the city lights. Overcum by the romantic locale, she succumbed to his pleas and they stripped down, made a bed of their clothes, and passionately began making love.



The heavy storm clouds rolling overhead and the low rumble of thunder inside them excited the lovers even more. At the first few flashes of lightning, they never looked up to see the charred remains of once great trees. Their idyllic clearing was a hotbed of electrical activity during the warm desert more...