Light Bulb Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: How many alt. test readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One postmaster and 100 autoresponder mailbombs.
Q: How many alt. atheism readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw the bulb, one to prove that it exists anyway.
Q: How many AOL users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight. One screws in the lightbulb, but seven more do too, due to a software bug.
Q: How many AOL users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eleven. One to ask to be on the lightbulb gif mailing list, nine to say "ME TOO!", and another to post a message asking for the intructions on how to view a lightbulb.
Q: How many IRC chatters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They're so busy saying hello, goodbye, and kicking each other off that no one ever has enough time to get anything done!
Q: How many humor theorists does it take to submit a light bulb joke?
A: 300--one to more...
Q: How many light bulb jokes does it take to change a light bulb joke?
A: Hmmmm - the probability that a given light bulb joke will be submitted to the net in any given week is. 4, and the probability that it will have changed detectably since the last transmission is. 2. Hence (assuming independence, which is reasonable since no submitter of a light bulb joke ever seems to know it has been submitted before, within the last 2 or 3 weeks), the probability that it will change in a given week is. 08. So it takes about 12. 5 light bulb jokes to change a light bulb joke.
A: One.
Q: How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Q: How many members of the royal family does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: "Actually none. As your queen I would like to reassure the people of the commonwealth that while our family may have had our Annus Horribilis and while some of us may have screwed in the stables or in the mud, none of us, to my knowledge, more...
Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to give the order that the bulb be changed and one to screw it in.
Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They assign the task to a gastarbeiter.
Q: How many Argentinians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine thousand-after all, it's *their* light bulb.
Q: How many Belgians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.
Q: How many U. S fighter pilots does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: No! You mean it was one of ours?!
Notes: Topical to the shooting down of two allied helicopters over Iraq.
Q: How many Iraqi soldiers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. He takes it back to Baghdad for safe keeping.....
Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter, they don't have any more...
Q: How many Iranians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One hundred - One to screw it in and 99 to hold the house hostage.
Q: How many Ayatollahs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None-there weren't any light bulbs in the 13th century.
Q: How many Timothy McVeigh's does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but first you have to strip the insulation off of the electrical cord, wrap it around his legs a couple of times, then plug it in. If Mr. McVeigh is holding the light bulb at this time, it should glow quite nicely.
Q: How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty - one to do it and nineteen to develop a distraction.
Q: How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to change the bulb, and 5 to take the credit when it explodes.
Q: How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: one to stage a suicide attack on the bulb more...
Q: How many Israelis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six--four to storm the room and take control of it, one to forcibly eject the old bulb, and another one to screw it in.
Q: How many SAS men does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to shout GO! GO! GO!
Q: How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two--one to say "She'll be right mate" and one to fetch the beers.
Q: How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 16. One to change the bulb and 15 to say "Good on yer, mate!"
Q: How many armies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: At least five. The Germans to start it, the French to give up really easily after only trying for a little while, the Italians to make a start, get nowhere, and then try again from the other side, the Americans to turn up late and finish it off and take all the credit, and the Swiss to pretend more...
Q: How many neurophysiologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Six. One to remove the old bulb and examine it under the microscope to find out what went wrong, one to blow a tube of glass into the bulb shape, one to coil the tungsten wire filament, one to clean up the metal base of the old bulb, one to operate the vacuum pump to get rid of the air in the bulb and one to apply the glue to seal the new bulb into the old base. The new bulb won't work, of course, but the whole process uses up a lot of expensive equipment and keeps several intelligent people happily employed doing something totally useless.
Q: How many pessimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the old one is probably screwed in too tight.
Q: How many pessimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, it's a waste of time because the new bulb probably won't work either.
Q: How many optimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, more...
Q: How many Apple programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but why bother? Your light socket will just be obsolete in six months anyway.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It burned out? You must be using a non-standard socket.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They just write it up as a new and useful feature.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One--but Bill Gates must inspect every single bulb and socket before the operation is started.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Eight: one to work the bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.
Q: How many safety inspectors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it and three to hold the ladder.
Q: How more...