Likes Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How do you know a blonde likes you? A: She screws you two nights in a row.

This guy was visitng the country one day and saw a for sale sign in front of a farm. The guy goes up to the farm and asks the farmer to show him around the farm.
The farmer starts with the house and shows him all the rooms. The guy likes the house and tells him that he always wanted a house like this on his farm.
Then the farmer shows him the barn. The city fellow likes the barn and tells him that he's always wanted a barn like this on his farm. Then the farmer shows him the land and the guy is very pleased with it and was just about to write the farmer a check when he noticed some bees flying around a tree.
The farmer told him they were honey bees and that they were very nice. The man still refused and told him he didn't trust bees and he didn't want any on his farm.
The farmer was very eager to sell his farm so he told the man that he'll tie him naked to a tree and cover him with honey and if one of the bees stings him he could have this farm for half of what he more...

Chain Letter Type IVAs if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of yourfriends.Friends- A friend is someone who is always at your side,- A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like a wet dog,- A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,- A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,- A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,- A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs, - Afriend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English no, sorry that's the cleaning lady, Now pass this on! If you don't, Satan will send dogs in heat to your room inyour sleep! There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of chainletters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity, send it more...

There are four stories on an apartment building. on the fourth floor there is a guy that likes to juggle chainsaws. on the third floor there is a guy that likes to run around naked and pee out windows.on the second floor there is a guy that likes to paint every thing green.And on the first floor there is a guy that likes to eat pickles and write letters.
One day the guy on the fouth floor is juggling chainsaws and drops one out the window. meanwhile the guy on the third floor is peeing out the window and somthing gets chopped off. the guy on the second floor takes it paints it green and throws it back out the window. the guy on the fist floor writes a letter to the guy on the fourth floor saying thanks for the pickel.

Three women at the doctors office. The first one goes in to see the doctor. When the doctor goes to examine her he notices a big Y on her chest.

The doctor asks, " Why do you have a big Y on your chest?"
She replys, " Well, my boyfriend went to Yale and when we make love he likes to wear his college sweater."
The doctor nods and continues on with the next patient. When he examines her he notices a big H on her chest.
Agian, the doctor asks, " How did you get a big H on your chest?"

The woman replys " My husband went to Harvard and when we make love he likes to wear his college sweater."
The doctors just nods his head and continues on with the last patient. As he examines her he notices once again that this woman also has a letter on her chest. A large M.
He says, " Dont tell me, your boyfriend went to Michigan?"
" NO" replys the patient " But my girlfriend went to more...

THE MAN'S POINTS SYSTEM

For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it
is:

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman
happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she
dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing
something she expects... Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed...+1 You make the bed, but forget to add the
decorative pillows... 0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled
sheets...-1 You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty
liners with wings...+5 But return with beer. ..-5 You check out a
suspicious noise at night. .. 0 You check out a suspicious noise and
it's nothing... 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's
something....+5 You pummel it with a six iron....+10 It's her
father...-10 You leave the toilet seat more...

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car.
When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet. Why don't you have a seat?"
Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do.
Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.
"Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it!"
Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby — so he asks Carrie's dad to repeat himself.
"Yeah," says Carrie's father,
"Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!"
A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go.
Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.
About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, more...