Likes Jokes / Recent Jokes
(Age 22)1. Handsome2. Charming3. Financially successful4. A caring listener5. Witty6. In good shape7. Dresses with style8. Appreciates the finer things9. Full of thoughtful surprises10. An imaginative, romantic lover(Age 32)1. Nice looking - preferably with hair on his head2. Opens car doors, holds chairs3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at a restaurant4. Listens more then he talks5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times6. Can carry all the groceries wit hease7. Owns at least one tie8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal9. Remembers anniversaries10. Likes to be romantic at least once a week(Age 42)1. Not too ugly- Bald head OK2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car3. Works steady- splurges on dinner at McDonald's on occasion4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking5. Usually remembers the punch line of jokes6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw top lids9. Remembers to put more...
There is this dumb blonde who likes animals, but is kind of afraid of horses. She still likes horses, so she decides to overcome her fear. So one day she hops on a horse, and the horse starts galloping and won't stop. She starts to get a little afraid but the horse won't stop. Everybody is watching and she doesn't know what to do. So she grabs its leg and the horse still won't stop. Then she decides to jump but her foot gets stuck in the stirrup. So she is bouncing on the ground and doesn't know what to do. Then the Wal-Mart manager comes running out and pulls the plug out of the socket and saves her.
Tired of boring old dog name like Ruff, Spot, Lassie, etc? The next time you get a dog, name it: Mypenis Why, you ask? Well just look at some of the great excuses you can use for school, work, and general conversation! -I did do my homework but Mypenis ate it! -Oh no, Mypenis is frothing at the mouth! -Sorry I'm late. I was playing with Mypenis. -I'm sorry officer, I didn't realize I had to keep Mypenis on a leash. -Mypenis doesn't come when I call it. -Mypenis likes to crawl between the legs of guests. -If Mypenis begs at the dinner table, I just tell it to LAY DOWN! -I love giving Mypenis a bath, but Mypenis doesn't like cold water. -At night, I like to snuggle with Mypenis. -Mypenis likes it when people pet him. -Mypenis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds! -Playing with Mypenis really wears me out. -Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis? -Sometimes I wake up, and Mypenis is already active. -I think Mypenis has a mind of its own. -I keep a picture of more...
Little Johnny likes to gamble.
One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city.
Johnny's daddy thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling."
So he calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you'll have to keep an eye on him."
The teacher says OK, she can handle it.
The next day Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi, my name is Johnny."
She says yes I know who you are.
Johnny smiles and says, "I bet you ten dollars you've got a mole on your butt."
The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem so she takes him up on the bet.
She pulls her pants down and shows him her butt and there was no mole.
That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost ten dollars to the teacher and why.
So his dad calls the teacher and says, "Johnny said more...
What do you call an ant who likes to be alone? An independant!