Lincoln Jokes / Recent Jokes
In a speech to the NAACP today, President Bush said it was a tragedy that African-Americans no longer connected with the party of Abraham Lincoln. In a move critics characterized as pandering, Bush announced an exception to his policy and called for full Federal funding of the cloning of Lincoln.
Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know who's-a George Washington?" Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?" He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President of-a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U. S. - a citizen." A couple of days later, Giuseppi walks into work and says. "Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?" Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?" He says, "Hah! Abaham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U. S. - a citizen." A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppi. . . you know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?" He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo is?" The guy yells, "That's the guy who's bangin' your wife while you're in night school."
The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history test. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humor is in the misspelling.
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened read, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
In the Olympic games, Greeks ran more...
George Washington, Abe Lincoln and Osama are on an airplane.
Washington takes a quarter, drops it out of the plane and says, "This is for my country."
Lincoln takes out a penny and drops it out of the plane and says, "This is for my country."
Osama takes a bomb and drops it out of the plane and says, "This is for my country."
They land and Washington sees a girl crying and he asks her why. She tells him that she was hit in the head with a quarter and then Washington apologizes.
Then Lincoln sees a boy crying and asks him why. He says that he was hit on the head with a penny and Lincoln apologizes.
Then Osama sees a boy cracking up and he asks him why. The boy replies, "Daddy farted and then the house blew up!"
Lincoln and JFK started politics 100 years apart. Lincoln and JFK were elected to office 100 yrs apart. Lincoln and JFKs' vice president's had the last name Johnson. Lincoln and JFK have 7 letters in their last name. Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy and Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln. Here's the BIG ONE: Lincoln, a week before his death, was in Monroe, Maryland. Kennedy, a week before his death, was in Marilyn Monroe!!!!
Abraham lincoln was a good old man .
he jump out the window with his dick in his
hand.
he said hey lady im doing my duty now pull
down your pants and give me some booty.