Lincoln Jokes / Recent Jokes

Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know who's-a George Washington?"

Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?"

He says, "Hah, you be dumb! George-a Washington's the first-a President of- a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U. S.-a citizen."

A couple of days later, Giuseppi comes to work and says. "Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"

Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"

He says, "Hah stupid! Abaham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a the United States. I'm-ago to night school every night. I learn all about-a United States history, and become-a U. S.-a citizen."

A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppi. . . you so-a smart, you know who Fishlips Picollini is?"

Giuseppi says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Picollini more...

This rich guy from the north is driving his Lincoln Continental down
to New Orleans. Along the way he picks up a redneck.
The redneck looks quizzically at the dash board and says, "What are
those thangs?" The driver says, "Those are golf tees".
The redneck asks, "What those are for?" The driver says "Those hold
my balls when I drive."
The redneck says, "Sheeit, these Lincolns sure come with
everythang!"

Winston Churchill and Abraham Lincoln are both famous for their wit and superb sense of humour.
Once they happened to meet on a staircase which was not wide enough for both of them to pass. Churchill stood in the middle of it and said to Lincoln, "I don't give way to a fool." Lincoln promptly stepped aside, allowing Churchill to move and replied, "Well, but I do, your excellency."

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both were shot in the head.
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners.
Both successors were named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names more...

This rich guy from the north is driving his Lincoln Continental downto New Orleans. Along the way he picks up a redneck.The redneck looks quizzically at the dash board and says, "What arethose thangs?" The driver says, "Those are golf tees".The redneck asks, "What those are for?" The driver says "Those holdmy balls when I drive."The redneck says, "Sheeit, these Lincolns sure come witheverythang!"

Abraham Lincoln, Bill Clinton, and George Washington were all on an airplane looking out the door. George Washington says, " I'm going to make somebody happy" then throws a $20 out of the plane. Bill Clinton says, "I'm going to make two people happy" then throws 2 $20's out of the plane. Abraham Lincoln says "I'm going to make everybody happy" and throws Bill Clinton out of the plane.

Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood, he had to walk 7 miles to school everyday. Well he should have got up earlier and caught the school bus like everyone else!