Lincoln Jokes / Recent Jokes

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phoney beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a party?""Yeah," the man answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life." "But you look like Abe Lincoln," protested the barkeep."That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

Clinton, Jefferson, and Lincoln were on the Titanic with their wives. When it started sinking, Clinton grabbed the other two men and they all got onto a life boat.

Jefferson says to them, "Should wait for the women?"

Lincoln replies, "Ah, screw em!"

Clinton then says, "Do you think we'll have time?"

HER DIRECTIONS:
80....(SF)....just after the weight station near Cordelia (i think) will be an exit for 14...Sonoma and Napa....take it.....follow it all the way thru.....till you end up in Fairfield...there is a signal next to...a Beer joint i think it is....i don't know...but you merge to the right which turns into a lil 2 lane freeway dealy....go thru the signal...go over the bridge thing....then when you get to the next signal....make a left to go to death valley....you'll be on Carneros Hwy....then you will come to a sort of dead end with a blinking red light....turn right....the road will give you a choice to go straight or veer right.....VEER RIGHT. stay on this road till you see a buncha power stuff...ya know, those big metal thingamajigs....there will be a stop sign...you can either go straight or turn right on Lincoln. ..well...turn right....follow that to the end....its kinda a long way....you will hit old bluewood hwy....turn right on old bluewood.....follow it more...

The real reason Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves is that
he thought it would be good for basketball.

Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood, he had to walk 7 miles to school everyday.
Well he should have got up earlier and caught the school bus like everyone else!

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, teacher. Snakes don't have feet.
HYGIENE TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say "I am."
ELLEN: All right. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
The principal was annoyed by the noise during the assembly program. "There seem to be several idiots in the auditorium this morning," he snapped. "Wouldn't it be better to hear one at a time?" voice shouted, "Okay
-you start."
MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.
TEACHER: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you get?
SASHA: A new bike.
TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many more...

What is the evidence that Abraham Lincoln was Jewish?
He had a beard.
His name was Abraham.
He was shot in the temple.