Lincoln Jokes / Recent Jokes

Thanks for the mail from those who enjoyed previous postings of anecdotes.
For the interested (and the record) these are mainly taken from THE LITTLE
BROWN BOOK OF ANECDOTES, edited by Clifton Fadiman.
In his legal practice, Abraham Lincoln was never greedy for fees
and discouraged unnecessary litigation. A man came to him in a passion,
asking him to bring a suit for $2.50 against an impoverished debtor.
Lincoln tried to dissuade him, but the man was determined upon revenge.
When he say that the creditor was not to be put off, Lincoln asked for
and got $10 as his legal fee. He gave half of this to the defendant,
who thereupon willingly confessed to the debt and paid up the $2.50,
thus settling the matter to the entire satisfaction of the irate
plaintiff.
In Paris for the funeral of French president Georges Pompidou in
1974, Nixon remarked, "This is a great day for France."
Shortly after John F. Kennedy blocked the hike more...

Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know who's-a George Washington?"
Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?"
He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President of-a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."
A couple of days later, Giuseppi walks into work and says. "Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
He says, "Hah! Abaham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."
A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppi... you know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?"
He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo is?"
The guy yells, "That's the guy who's bangin' your wife while you're in night school."

Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know who's-a George Washington?"Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?"He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President of-a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."A couple of days later, Giuseppi walks into work and says. "Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"He says, "Hah! Abaham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppi... you know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?"He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo is?"The guy yells, "That's the guy who's bangin' your wife while you're in night school."

Winston Churchill & Abraham Lincoln are both famous for their wit & superb sense of humour. Once they happened to meet on a staircase which was not wide enough for both of them to pass. Churchill stood in the middle of it & said to Lincoln, "I don't give way to a fool." Lincoln promptly stepped aside, allowing Churchill to move & replied, "Well but I do, your excellency."

This rich guy from the north is driving his Lincoln Continental downto New Orleans. Along the way he picks up a redneck. The redneck looks quizzically at the dash board and says, "What arethose thangs?" The driver says, "Those are golf tees". The redneck asks, "What those are for?" The driver says "Those holdmy balls when I drive." The redneck says, "Sheeit, these Lincolns sure come witheverythang!"

Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know
who's-a George Washington?"
Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?"
He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President
of- a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all
about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."
A couple of days later, Giuseppi walks into work and says.
"Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
He says, "Hah! Abraham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President
of-a the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all
about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."
A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppi... you
know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?"
He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo is?"
The guy yells, "That's the guy who's bangin' your wife while
you're in night more...

The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday school quizzes by children between 5th and 6th grade ages in Ohio.

They were collected over a period of three years by two teachers. Read carefully for grammar, misplaced modifiers, and of course, spelling!

Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate Of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it.

Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was A actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds Like he was sort of busy too. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and more...