Lion Jokes / Recent Jokes
What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane? A dandy lion!
Q) How did the moose keep his antlers from being stolen?
A) He locked horns with another moose.
Q) Why wouldn't the leopard take a bath?
A) He didn't want to get spotlessly clean.
Q) What do skunks do when they get angry?
A) They raise a stink.
Q) What do you call a well-dressed lion?
A) A dandy lion (dandelion).
Q) What do you call a vaccination given to a boy deer?
A) Buck shot.
Q) Why didn't the elephant get rich?
A) He was willing to work for peanuts.
Q) How did the kangaroo convict escape?
A) He jumped bail.
Q) What did the judge say when a skunk walked in?
A) Odor (order) in the court.
Q) What did the mole publisher print?
A) An underground newspaper.
Q) Why was the little elephant six hours late for dinner?
A) He had to wash behind his ears before coming to the table.
Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer."
The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming."
"Yes I do!"
"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"
"Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down."
"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"
"Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down."
"Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?"
"Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him."
"Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do more...
A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.
The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You'll feel so much better!"
The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke.
So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!"
The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up.
"Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you'll feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the more...
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.
The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife said,' 'What are we going to do?''
''Nothing,'' said the hunter,' 'The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.''
There was once a Rino sleeping by a water fall. just then a huge lion come along and grabed his balls give them a little shake and said "
oh i'll ave a peice of that!"
and the lion starts shagging the Rino up the arse then the Rino wakes up and the lion runs for his life then whilst the Rino is stomping just behind the lion the lion sees a hunter reading a newspaper with those funny hunter hats on so the lion kills the hunter sticks on his hat gets the newspaper and sits down then the Rino says to the lion (who he thinks is a hunter)ave u seen a lion come through here? and the lion says do you mean the one who shagged the rino up the ass earlier? then the Rino said "
FUCK ME DON'T TELL ME IT'S IN THE PAPERS ALREADY !!!. by Ricky .L. Lewis