Lion Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man has a new job as a zookeeper. The head zookeeper tells him that if an animal dies round here then you will have to pay for them.
His first stop is a bird house and he finds 200 finches dead. The zookeeper looks on the chart on the cage which reads $1 a bird. The zookeeper cant afford that so he throws all the dead finches into the lions cage for the lion to eat.
His next stop is the ape house and he finds 10 chimps dead. He looks on the chart on the cage which reads $10 per chimp. He cant afford so much money so he throws them in the lion cage for the lion to eat.
His final stop is the bee hives. He finds 1000 bees dead. He looks on the chart and it reads a dime per bee. Knowing he cant afford such money, he mashes all the bees into a ball and throws them in the lion cage for the lion to eat.
The next day a new lion comes into the cage.
''whats the food like'' He asks
''Its not bad'' Says the lion ''Yesterday we had finch, chimps and mushy bees!''
Theres a rabit running through the jungle and he comes up to a giraffe smoking a spliff and says you dont wanna do that you wanna come out running with me get healthy after some hesitation the giraffe aggrees so there both running along and they come up to a snake doing lines of coke and the rabbit says you dont wanna do that shit you wanna come running get healthy so he says ye might as well so there all running allong and they come up to a lion doing smack and he turns to the lion and says you dont wanna be doing that shit you wanna come out running with all of us get healthy with this statement just put to him the lion just turns and beets up the rabbit the giraffe and snake are amazed that he just did it and they say to him why did you do that he says ive had enough of that cunt every time hes on pills he wants to go fucking running
Three animals were having a hugeargument over who was the best. The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey had hardly a chance. The second, a lion, based his claim on his strength. No animal in the forest dared to challenge him. The third, a skunk, insisted he needed neither flight nor strength to frighten off any animal using his unique arsenal. As the trio debated the issue, a grizzly bear came along and swallowed them all: hawk, lion, and stinker!
A bow hunter in West Virgina swears he saw an "African lion" roaming the hills there. This raises an important question: shouldn't that be an African-American lion then?
A mercenary preacher was traveling back from a mission of peace through the jungle when all of a sudden he realized that a lion was behind him. He tried to run, but knowing that he could not outrun the lion, dropped down and started to pray.
Unexpectedly, everything became quiet and when he looked, the lion was praying also.
The priest said to the lion, "I didn't know lions prayed."
The lion replied, "You are praying. I'm saying grace before I gobble you up!"
A circus owner was looking to hire a lion tamer and two young people showed up for the tryout. One was a handsome young man, the other a young, gorgeous blonde woman.
"I'm not going to sugar coat this for you," the circus owner told them, "This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer, so both of you better be good, or you're history. Here's your equpment - a chair, whip and gun. Now, which one of you would like to go first?"
The young blonde woman decided she would go first. She walked right past the chair, whip and gun, and stepped right into the lion's cage. The lion immediately began to snarl, pant and charge her. About halfway there, she threw open her coat to reveal her beautiful naked body.
Stopping dead in his tracks, the lion sheepishly crawled up to her and proceeded to lick her ankles. He then licked her calves, kissed them, and came to rest with his head at her feet.
Seeing this, the circus owner's mouth dropped to the floor. more...