Liquor Jokes / Recent Jokes

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

Colorado
• Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
• Colorado law requires that wine be sold in containers of at least 24 ounces and spirits in containers at least a fifth of a gallon. But, at the same time, it also decrees that no alcohol beverage can be stored in hotel minibars in anything larger than miniature containers.
• Colorado Springs: It is permissible to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.
• Crippe Creek: It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.
• Denver: The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park; It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor; It is illegal to mistreat rats; You may not drive a black car on Sundays.
• Durango: It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes more...

I'm am writing this little story in the day of the lives of Laura and Randy. It all started on a Sunday mourning, bright and early, with boredom. We decided to spend a fun filled day with all the luxuries of our lives. We decided to start the day with a ride on his Harley, witch we both enjoy the freedom of the road. We road for a couple of hours and a took a well needed rest, so then we decided to take a cruise on my boat, which we also enjoy, because of all the quiet and alone time, with no one else around, not even a phone. We cruised for around a hour or so and decided it was time to get something to eat, so we returned home and jumped in the explorer and headed down the road to get something to eat. Well we hit the road and came across a Rite Aide, and I decided to ask him to pull in and get me some Captain Morgans, and he did just that. As he left the liquor store he put my alcohol in the back of the explore, now my day seemed to be complete. So with all he did with me and for more...

One day a nun walks into a liquor store to buy a bottle of brandy. Shocked, the sales person said that he cannot, in good concience, sell brandy to a nun. She said, not to worry, it was for medicinal purposes.
Later, on his way home, the sales person sees the nun lying in the gutter, horribly drunk.Outraged, he said to her he thought it was for medicinal purposes. She said of course it was, Mother Superior has constipation, so if she sees her like this, she will shit herself!

The African man walks into a liquor store and buys a coke. He drinks it and the Chinese clerk starts laughing. The African guy says, "Why are you laughing?" The Chinese man said, "Me Chinese, me play joke, me put pee pee in your coke." The African man said in response angrily, "Me Black man, me run fast, me gonna kick your fuckin' ass!"

After each question, your say: "Rubber Jugs and Liquor". Q: What did you have for breakfast? A: Rubber Jugs and Liquor! Q: What did you have for lunch? A: Rubber Jugs and Liquor! Q: What did you have for supper? A: Rubber Jugs and Liquor!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Q: What would you do if you saw a hot chick walking down the street? hee-hee hoo-hoo haa-haa!

An ad on the subway in NYC: "Learn to read and speak English. Call us now." An Amelia Island, FL, podiatrist: "Emergency Foot Surgery- Walk-ins Welcomed." Sign over a restroom in a restaurant: "Used beer department." On a store front in Florida: "Your one stop shop! Beer ammo and liquor. Drive through open 24 hours!" A speed limit sign on Long Beach Island, New Jersey: "Smile, You're on Radar!" Seen in a State Park in California: "Weather Station (A large sign with a Rock hanging on a rope) Check the Rock. If it's wet, it's raining. If it's moving, it's windy. If you can't see it, it's foggy. If rock is gone, it's a tornado."An ad on the subway in NYC: "Learn to read and speak English. Call us now." An Amelia Island, FL, podiatrist: "Emergency Foot Surgery- Walk-ins Welcomed." Sign over a restroom in a restaurant: "Used beer department." On a store front in Florida: "Your one stop shop! Beer more...