List Jokes / Recent Jokes
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and more...
Top Ten Inspirational Sayings We'd Like to See at the Nurse's Station
10. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
9. If at first you don't succeed... try management.
8. TEAMWORK means never having to take all the blame yourself.
7. Hang in there.... retirement is only 35 years away!
6. Go the extra mile... it makes your supervisor look incompetent.
5. When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
4. Administration... we waste time so you don't have to.
3. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
2. A person who smiles in the face of adversity, probably has a scapegoat.
1. Succeed in spite of Administration.
Mr. and Mrs. Banta Singh went to the Election Commissioner's office. Banta asked the Election Commissioner, "Sir, I want to know whether our name is in the voter's list." The officer checked the list and said, "Sardarji, the list shows you as dead." Banta Singh said, "Sir, I'm standing before you, how can I be dead?" At this Mrs. Banta Singh shouted at her husband, "Shut up. He is an Election Officer, he can't tell a lie."
Top Ten Most Commonly Used Nursing Phrases
10. "No, really, I don't mind changing the TV channel for you. again."
9. "I'm sorry, it's not THAT kind of Tylenol."
8. "You won't feel a thing."
7. "Because your doctor said so."
6. "This won't hurt a bit."
5. "I swear, if that patient rings the call bell one more time."
4. "No, I will NOT give you a sponge bath (to patients perfectly able to do for themselves)!"
3. "Your gonna feel a little stick."
2. "How can I help you?" (no less than a MILLION times a shift!)
1. "Doctor, I'm sorry to wake you, but." (this one is okay by us)
I found this on a gopher, hence do not know the author's name.
The Court of King George III
London, England
July 10, 1776
Mr. Thomas Jefferson
c/o The Continental Congress
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Dear Mr. Jefferson:
We have read your "Declaration of Independence" with great interest. Certainly, it represents a considerable undertaking, and many of your statements do merit serious consideration. Unfortunately, the Declaration as a whole fails to meet recently adopted specifications for proposals to the Crown, so we must return the document to you for further refinement.
The questions which follow might assist you in your process of revision:
In your opening paragraph you use the phrase "the Laws of Nature and Nature's God." What are these laws? In what way are they the criteria on which you base your central arguments? Please document with citations from the recent literature.
In the same paragraph you refer to the more...
Top Ten Signs That It's Going to be a Bad Shift
10. The previous shift tells you, "Things have been quiet."
9. You walk onto the floor and someone from the previous shift says, "Is it that time already?"
8. You run into the pharmacist at the elevator, he hands you a case of Prozac and says, "Here, this is for your floor."
7. Your phone rings 4 hours before your shift and they beg you to come in early.
6. After giving report, the nurse yells from the elevator, "Oh, by the way, they're' pleasantly confused'."
5. While driving to work, every radio station is playing "Knockin' on Heaven's Door".
4. As soon as you walk in, someone hands you scrubs and says, "Here, you'd better put these on."
3. You come in and find one of the previous shift nurses openly weeping at the nurse's station.
2. The nurse about to give you report looks up from her notes and asks, "How many R's in more...
Top Ten Reasons To Work An Overtime Shift On The Weekend
10. Think of all the weight you'll lose from not getting to eat because of short staffing.
9. Think of the closeness you'll develop with you're co-workers after being knee-deep in Code 10's/Blues and Code "Browns".
8. Everyone is so frazzled, so next to them you look fabulous!
7. Think of what a challenge it will be to your nursing skills to run a Code without a Crash Cart because they are all down in Central being replaced.
6. The joy of having the previous shift's charge nurse tell you, " I don't understand why no one would return my calls to work today/tonight. Oh, and by the way, you are short two nurses and a CNA for this shift with a full house of patients sick as dog dirt."
5. Because you're a new grad and you want to be a "TEAM PLAYER" like your head nurse told you to be. (That and you have "sucker" stamped on your forehead!)
4. When you go home more...