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A man is driving up a steep narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same steep narrow mountain road.
As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells, "PIG!!"
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, â??BITCH!!â??
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he runs into a pig in the middle of the road.
If only men would listen.................

A crusty old man walks into a bank
and says to the teller at the window,
"I want to open a DAMN chequeing account."
The astonished woman replies,
"I beg your pardon, sir.
I must have misunderstood you.
What did you say?"
"Listen up, DAMMIT.
I said I want to open a DAMN chequeing account,
NOW!"
The teller leaves the window
and goes over to the bank manager
to inform him of her situation.
The manager agrees that the teller
does not have to listen to foul language.

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a *&!#%=A4 checking account." The astonished woman replies,"I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, *&!#%=A4. I said I want to open a *&!#%=A4 checking account now!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank. "The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to foul language. They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer,"Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"
"There is no *&!#%=A4 problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the *&!#%=A4 lottery and I want to open a &!#%=A4 checking account in this *&!#%=A4 bank, okay?"
"I see," says the manager, "and this bitch is giving you a more...

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money.

He loved money more than just about anything.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.

He made her promise with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!` She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren`t more...

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a damn checking account."
The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, damnit. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank." The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to foul language.
They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"
"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank, okay?"
"I see," says the manager, "is this bitch giving you a hard time?"

Dear Reyer School, God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the county home for the aged. All my people are gone. It's nice to know that someone thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but would never let me listen to it. The other day her radio fell and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful. She asked if she could listen to mine, so naturally I told her to go fuck herself. Sincerely, Edna Johnston

Two guys are sitting at a bar. After a bunch of drinks over several hours, one guy hiccups, drops his head down to his chest, pushes himself away from the bar, and proceeds to hurl all over himself.
Wiping his mouth off on his shirtsleeve, he says, "Man, I gotta go home. I'm already two hours late, and now I've thrown up all over myself. My wife is gonna kill me.
The second guy turns to the first and says, "Naw she won't. Listen, you got twenty bucks?"
The first says, "Yeah, why?"
The second drunk says, "Take the twenty and put it in your front pocket. When you get home and your wife asks what happened, you tell her some guy threw up on your shirt and he gave you twenty bucks for the dry cleaning. I do it all the time."
The first guy says, "Great idea! Let's have another round", and the two continued to drink for the next couple of hours.
Eventually they head home. Sure enough, the first guy's wife is waiting up for more...