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What Woman Say vs. What Women Really Mean
CAN'T WE JUST BE FRIENDS?... really means, "There is no way I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again.
I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.... really means, "without you in it."
DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?... really means, "We haven't had a fight in a while."
NO, PIZZA'S FINE... really means, "you cheap slob!"
I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.... really means, "I just don't want YOU as a boyfriend now.
I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?... really means, "I can't believe you have nothing planned!"
COME HERE.... really means, "My puppy does this, too."
I LIKE YOU, BUT... really means, "I don't like you."
OF COURSE I LOVE YOU... really means, "just not in that way."
YOU NEVER LISTEN.... really means, "You never listen.
WE'RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY.... really means, "I'm not going to stay over until I more...

Here is a table of terms used by headhunters and orher people who are hiring new folks:
ENTRY-LEVEL POSITIONYou'll be making under $7 an hour.
ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANYYou'll be making under $7 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year.
AN UP-AND-COMING SOFTWARE COMPANYWe want you to get your hopes up, but there's no chance in hell we'll be the next Microsoft.
PROFIT-SHARING PLANOnce it's shared between the higher-ups, there won't be a profit.
COMPETITIVE SALARYWe remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANYWe have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.
NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADERInc. Magazine wrote us up a few years ago, but we haven't done anything innovative since.
IMMEDIATE OPENINGThe person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad.
SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTERWe're not going to supply you with more...

Commandment 1

Marriages is made in heaven. But so are thunder and Lightning.
Commandment 2

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Commandment 4

Married lives is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before more...

WHAT WOMEN SAY & REALLY MEAN:CAN'T WE JUST BE FRIENDS?
There is no way in hell I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again.I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
... without you in it.DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
We haven't had a fight in a while.NO, PIZZA'S FINE.
... you cheap slob! I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.
I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
I can't believe you have nothing planned.COME HERE.
My puppy does this, too.I LIKE YOU, BUT...
I don't like you.OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.
... just not in that way.YOU NEVER LISTEN.
You never listen.WE'RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY.
I'm not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend.I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will.OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF.
I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going dutch.OH YES!!! RIGHT THERE!!
Well, near there; I just more...

1.) You listen to it before you go to sleep 2.) You have you favorite songs in Mp2, Mp3, wav, and midi format 3.) You know the name of the song by hearing the first ten seconds of the song 4.) You tell your friends that Minmei is a bigger pop star then Michael Jackson and your friends point at you and laugh and say "Ha Michael Jackson" 5.) You go to Japan just to buy the Robot Carnival soundtrack 6.) You have all the Sailor Moon CDs 7.) You go to Japan and the only anime soundtrack that you bought is the North American Sailor Moon CD 8.) Somebody asked you if you listen to Smashing Pumpkins and you ask them what anime did they do 9.) You buy a CD player just for those Ranma CDs, love that Doco 10.) You have arguments which female band is sexier Spice Girls, En Vogue, or Doco 11.) You can actually say which member of Doco sounds better (Megumi Hayashibara in my opinion) 12.) J-pop is next on your list 13.) Zip disk and Jaz disks filled with anime music that you downloaded more...

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out
plowing with his old mule.
He tried to plow a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife
began nagging him again.
Complain, nag, complain, nag; it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head and killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so more...

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me. He made her promise with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!' She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your more...