Listens Jokes / Recent Jokes

MarriageGetting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man." Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying." Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late." Married life is frustrating. more...

Commandment 1

Marriages is made in heaven. But so are thunder and Lightning.
Commandment 2

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Commandment 4

Married lives is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before more...

Who is it that everybody listens to but nobody believes? The weatherman.

On Marriage
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too more...

MarriageGetting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."Married life is frustrating. The more...

Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Married life is full of excitement and frustration:* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married! There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he more...