Lit Jokes / Recent Jokes
There once was a lonely guy who bought a bird. The pet store manager said that the bird was a special bird and could sing, but only if you lit a match or lighter under his wings. The guy took the bird home and lit a match under the birds right wing and it began singing Jingle Bells. Then he lit a match under its left wing and it started to sing Silent Night. Just to see what the bird would do, the man lit a match under the birds balls and it began singing Chestnuts Roasting On an Open Fire.
The choir director selected the 6-year-old little boy with the
sweetest face for the opening scene of the Christmas play. "Now,
all you have to do, when you hear me say to the choir' ... and
the angel lit the candle', is come on stage and light all the
candles."
"I can do it, I can do it!" the little boy said, excitedly.
Rehearsals came and went, and finally the big night arrived. The
choir was ready, the stage was beautifully decorated with dozens
of unlit candles all around, and all awaited the moment when the
cute littlest angel would make his entrance.
The director gave the downbeat, the orchestra began to play, and
the choir swept into the introductory lines, ending with an
expectant "... and the angel lit the candle"
Everyone looked stage right for the entrance.
No little boy.
The director gave the downbeat again, and more loudly said,
"... and the angel lit the more...
Santa Singh( a Sardar from Jalandhar.. they are the one who smoke, despite the religious ban) tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light.
He tried another. It wouldn't light. The third one finally lit. lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket. "What for did you put that match in your vest
pocket?"
"That's a good match. I'll use it again."
Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn`t light. He tried another. It wouldn`t light. The third one finally lit. lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket.
"What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?"
"That`s a good match. I`ll use it again."
One day, a man went to a flower shop. He wanted to know what he should get his wife for their anniversary. The owner pulled out a bird and said, "His name's Chet. Light a match under his left leg and he sings Happy Anniversary. Light a match under his right leg and he sings Happy Birthday."
Since the man wasn`t a very good shopper, he took it instead of flowers. He took it home to his wife, and she loved it. She lit a match under his left leg and he sang "Happy Anniversary." Then, she lit one under his right leg, and he started singing "Happy Birthday." She was so pleased, but then she wondered, "What would happen if I lit a match under both of his legs?" So she did. Then, Chet started singing, "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire..."