Little Johnny Jokes / Recent Jokes

The teacher was discussing different jobs held by the parents of the students. When she called on Little Johnny, she asked, "And what does your father do?""Oh, he's a magician," replied Johnny."Really? And what's his best trick?""His best trick is sawing people in half.""Wonderful!" exclaimed the teacher. "Tell me, are there any more children in your family?""Yes ma'am, I have a half brother and two half sisters."

Little Johnny had just turned six and much to his parents' chagrin, had never
spoken.Johnny's Grandpa, a well-known local poker player, was sympathetic to Johnny's plight, and would take Johnny with him whenever possible. One regular bonding between grandpa and grandson was at the Elk's Club Saturday night straight poker game. Johnny would sit on Grandpa's lap and faithfully watch as Grandpa regularly cleaned
out the town council members, local attorneys and judges.One Saturday night, Grandpa's cards were running bad. Nothing was working. For the first time, it looked like Grandpa's famous winning streak was about to come to an end. Towards the end of the evening, furious at his run of bad luck, Grandpa folded and threw his cards on the pot in disgust. Johnny looked up at his grandpa and said, “You shouldn't have folded, Grandpa.”Grandpa was stunned. “Johnny, you're six years old, and these are the first words you've ever spoken!”Johnny looked at Grandpa and said, more...

Little Johnny was walking down the beach, and as he did so, he saw a matronly woman sitting under a beach umbrella on the sand.He walked up to her and asked, "Do you go to church every week?""Yes." she replied."Do you pray often?" the boy asked next, and again she answered, "Yes.""Do you know the Ten Commandments?""Yes, I do." she answered, with a smile."Do you keep them all?" Johnny asked.She nodded her head, "Yes, I do." she said.With that he asked his final question, "Will you hold my dollar while I go swimming?"

Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by on her way home to speak with his parents. When she rang the bell, Little Johnny answered.“I'd like to talk to your mother or father,” she said.“Sorry, but they ain't here.”“Little Johnny!” she said, “what is it with your grammar?”“Beats me,” he replied, “but dad sure was mad that they had to go bail her out again!”

Little Johnny was walking down the beach when he spied a matronly woman sitting on the sand under a beach umbrella. He walked up to her and asked, “Are you a Christian?”“Yes,” she replied.“Do you read your Bible every day?”She nodded her head, “Yes.”“Do you pray often?” the boy asked next. She answered, “Yes.”With that, he asked his final question, “Will you hold my quarter while I go swimming?”

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny Billy?"
"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."
Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks."
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser more...

One Sunday morning, the priest noticed Little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the priest walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Little Johnny." "Good morning, Father," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Father Scott, what is this?" Little Johnny asked. "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Johnny's voice was barely audible when he asked, "Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?"