Lock Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then, officer - do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes more...

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath, and young nun, Sister Magdalene had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray. The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone." Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily. "I've been saved." Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?" asked the old nun "Well, when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven." "Did he now?" said the old nun evenly. Sister Magdalene continued, "And Fr. John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father more...

July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is the best
online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better hold onto
it in case they don't ever send me another one! I can't connect. I don't know
what is wrong.
July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I
don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?
July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It wouldn't
fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. That nine year old next door
did it for me. But it still don't work. I can't get online.
July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online for
me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that's just
another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does these services for
people. Anyway he's smarter then the more...

The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember it. Finally she went to the pastor's study and asked for help.
The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment. Finally he look serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently. Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock.
The teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith, pastor," she said.
"It's really nothing," he answered.
"The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling."

July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better hold onto it in case they don't ever send me anther one! I can't connect. I don't know what is wrong.
July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?
July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old next door did it for me. But it still don't work. I cant get online.
July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that's just another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does these services for people. Anyway he's smarter then the jerks who sold me the modem. They more...

July 18 I just tried to connect to America Online.
I've heard it is the
best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better
hold onto it in case they don't ever send me anther one! I can't connect.
I don't know what is wrong.
July 19 Some guy at the tech support center says my
computer needs a
modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think
I am?
July 22 I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it
goes. It wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July 23 I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year
old next door did it for me. But it still doesn't work. I can't get online.
July 25 That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America
Online
for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that's
just another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does these
services for people. Anyway he's smarter more...

There was once a very crafty and cunning thief who had all his life practiced theft without ever being caught red-handed. Now he was getting old and his son, fearing that his art of stealing might to be lost forever with his death, begged him to disclose the secret of his success."There's no secret to be handed down to you, son," replied the old thief. "Just go ahead and do it yourself, that's all."One evening, the young thief sneaked into the bedroom of a rich man. There he found a large wardrobe which was by chance not locked. Hiding himself in the wardrobe, he intended to wait until the master of the house had gone to sleep and then come out and make off with whatever he could lay hands on. Hardly had the master of the house gone to bed when he remembered that he had forgotten to lock the wardrobe. So he immediately got up to fasten the lock. Trapped in the wardrobe, the young thief did not know how to extricate himself. As the night wore on, he was getting more more...