London Jokes / Recent Jokes

IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs
IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.
IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance.)
OUTSIDE A SECOND HAND SHOP: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
QUICKSAND WARNING: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.
NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness.
SPOTTED more...

170
The Cape of Good Hope is located in South Africa
171
Heathrow Airport is located in London
172
The neon lamp was invented by Georges Claude
173
The last letter of the Greek alphabet is Omega
174
The place known as the land of Lincoln is Illinois
175
The US state Utah is also known as the Beehive state
176
The Kalahari desert is located in Africa
177
The Pentagonian desert is located in Argentina
178
The person known as the father of aeronautics is Sir George Cayley
179
The most densely populated Island in the world is Honshu
180
The two nations Haiti and the Dominion Republic together form the Island of Hispaniola
181
The largest auto producer in the USA is General Motors
182
The largest auto producing nation is Japan
183
The famous General Motors company was founded by William Durant
184
The country that brings out the FIAT is Italy
185
The first actor to more...

Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write' Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper

Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A: Blow in her ear. Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear! Q: How does a blonde kill a fish? A: She drowns it. Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat? A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row. Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours? A: Write' Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper

Here is a long collection of Rodney Dangerfield's jokes, as a tribute to the great comedian who recently passed away at age 82.


Good crowd.. good crowd. I'm telling you I could use a good crowd. I'm ok now but last week I was in rough shape.. you know.

Why? I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west!
My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.

When I was born.. the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father.. "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could.. but he pulled through."
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
I could more...

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has expressed interest in having a team in London. Detroit residents have nominated the Lions.

Q: What is Iraq's national bird?
A: Duck!
Q: How many Newfies does it take to change a flat tire?
A: Five. One to seal the inner tube and four to club the seal.
Q: What is the definition of mass confusion?
A: Father's day in Harlem!
Did you hear about the Indian who couldn't tell heads from tails? You should have seen the scalps he took!
A Mexican tried to get into the United States. He was stopped at the border and questioned as to why he wanted in this country and how long he would stay.
He told them that he wanted to live there and become a citizen. The officer said, "Okay, if you use yellow, pink, and green in a sentence, I will let you in."
The Mexican thought and thought. He finally said, "The telephano goes green, green, green. So I pink it up and say 'YELLOW'!"
This guy gets a map of Canada tattooed on his butt. The only trouble is that every time he takes a dump, Quebec separates.
An American walking through the more...