Lone Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do... Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion.
The Lone Ranger got the horse water and Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."
Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe." and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another more...
Teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.
One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very good, William," cooed the teacher.
"My momma had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher.
Finally Little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him.
"I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns."
The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, more...
A lone tourist who is passing through the suburbs on the way to town by car, unfortunately experiences mechanical problems with the automobile. The car stalls and the tourist parks the car by the side of the road and waits for help. Not much later, a farmer happens to pass by with a truck full of farm animals. The farmer offers the tourist a lift to town and proceeds to explain that he is bringing his farm animals to the town market, where they will be auctioned off to the highest bidders. Well, it so happens that on the way to the town, the farmer being so engrossed in his story, unintentionally wanders into the other side of road where another vehicle is approaching in the other direction. The farmer realizes his absent mindness and attempts to avoid the possible collision with the other vehicle. He just misses the other car, but unfortunately crashes the truck into the side of the road. The tourist winds up thrown into a ditch and suffers broken ribs and a broken arm and leg and is more...
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realises little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs."
" Very good, William," said the teacher.
" My mommy had a baby," said little Esther.
" Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher.
Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him." I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled," And what does that have to do with sex education, more...
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the many canyons, when suddenly rising from the hill on their right are hundreds of Indians. They start to spur their horse forward, when they realized that there are hundreds of Indians ahead of them. Wheeling to the left they, once again, see hundreds of Indians rising from the hill. They begin to back away in the direction from which they had come and they realize they were surrounded.
The Indians had spread out and they were trapped. The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto, his life long friend, and says,' Tonto, my friend, I think I must say that I have treasured our times together, but now I think we are doomed.'
'We?' replied Tonto.' What's all this' we' crap, Paleface?'
The fourth grade teacher cautiously approched the subject of sex education, knowing little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. Surprisingly, Johnny remained quite attentive throughout her entire lecture.
Towards the end of her lesson, the teacher asked for examples of sex education from the class.
Bobby raised his hand and told the teacher, "Yesterday, I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very good example," praised the teacher.
Little Mary stood up and said, "My mommy had a baby." "That's wonderful," the teacher said.
Johnny then raised his hand. With much trepidation and fear, the teacher called on him.
"I was watching the Lone Ranger on TV and he was surrounded by tons of Indians. They all attacked him at the same time and he killed all of them with his two guns," Johnny said, proudly.
Relieved, but puzzled, the teacher asked, "What does that have to do with sex education, more...
One day the Lone Ranger and his companion Tonto were walking through the desert when Tonto suddenly stopped, bent down to the ground and said, - "Buffalo Come!"And the Lone Ranger said, "How do you know Tonto?" Tonto replied, - "Ear stuck to ground..."