Lord Jokes / Recent Jokes

Don't ya just love the holidays, when everyone is just so full of the spirit of the season and joy and good will towards men? As a plain old country boy now living in the big city, I wanted to share the warmth and joy I felt with all these nice city folk.
The other day I went to the local religious book store, to locate something to share with others, and while I couldn't find any with a Christmas theme, I saw a "Honk if You Love Jesus" bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car; tell y'all what, I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed.
I was stopped at a light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the upcoming Holidays and all, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I easily found several people who loved Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must really love the Lord because, he leaned out his window and even yelled, "Jesus more...

A mother was teaching her three-year-old daughter The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo.

The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end.' 'And lead us not into temptation'', she prayed,' 'but deliver us some e-mail, Amen.''

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So.... he told the associate pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the associate pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! Saint Peter was more...

The Ebonic Lord's Prayer
Big Daddy's Rap - The Lord's Prayer
Yo, Bid Daddy upstairs, - Our Father, who art in heaven
You be chillin - Hallowed be thy name
So be yo hood - Thy Kingdom come
You be sayin' it, I be doin' it - Thy will be done
In this here hood and yo's - On earth as it is in heaven
Gimme some eats - Give us this day our daily bread
And cut me some slack, Blood - And forgive us our trespasses
Sos I be doin' it to dem dat diss me - As we forgive those who trespass against us
don't be pushing me into no jive - And lead us not into temptation
and keep dem Crips away - But deliver us from evil
'Cause you always be da Man

The top United States’ general defended Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, by saying, “He leads in a way that the good Lord tells him his best for our country.” He later added, “Also the good Lord doesn’t like innocent Iraqi civilians very much.”

Jack was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. The preacher grabbed Jack by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, 'You need to join the Army of the Lord!'
Jack replied, 'I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.'
Pastor questioned, 'How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?'
He whispered back, 'I'm in the secret service.'

The Chief Rabbi and the Pope are in a meeting in Rome. The Rabbi notices a fancy shmancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers. "What's that phone for?" he asks. "It's my direct line to the Lord!" the Pope replies. The Rabbi is doubtful, but the Pope insists that he tries it out and, indeed, he is connected to the Lord and chats away with Him for a while. After he hangs up the Rabbi says. "Thank you very much. This is great! But listen, I want to pay for the charges I have used up." The Pope doesn't want to take the money, but finally gives in, checks the counter and says: Allright! The charge was 50,000 Lira.", which the Rabbi gladly pays. A couple of weeks later, the Pope is in Jerusalem on an official visit. In the Rabbi's chambers he sees the identical phone he has with a direct line to the Lord. The Pope asks if he could use it, because there were some urgent matt ers he needed to consult with Him. The Rabbi gladly hands him the more...