Loses Jokes

An angel wrote:
Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, use your heart.
Anger is only one letter short of danger.
If someone betrays you once, it's his fault; if he betrays you twice, it's your fault.
Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.
God gives every bird it's food, But He does not throw it into it's nest.
He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses more; He who loses faith, loses all.
Beautiful young people are acts of nature, But beautiful old people are works of art.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
The tongue weighs practically nothing, but so few people can hold it.

An angel wrote:Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, use your heart.Anger is only one letter short of danger.If someone betrays you once, it's his fault; if he betrays you twice, it's your fault.Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.God gives every bird it's food, But He does not throw it into it's nest.He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses more; He who loses faith, loses all.Beautiful young people are acts of nature, But beautiful old people are works of art.Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.The tongue weighs practically nothing, but so few people can hold it.

: 24 questions from George Carlin's warped brain:

1. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

2. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

3. Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled a them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?

4. What's another word for synonym?

5. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do:' practice'?

6. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

7. When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

8. Where do forest rangers go to' get away from it all'?

9. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

10. Why do they report power outages on TV?

11. What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

12. Is it possible to be totally more...

Where does a cat go when it loses its tail?
The retail store.

Heard on "60 Minutes" 31 March: (from a National Party Senator in
Queensland whose name escapes me now)
The definition of recession is when your neighbour loses his job.
The definition of depression is when you lose your job.
The definition of recovery is when Paul Keating loses his job.