Loud Jokes / Recent Jokes

FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
NOTHING

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with' Nothing' usually end in "Fine"
GO AHEAD

This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."
THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants more...

40-ish.................. 48

Adventurer.............. Has had more partners than you ever will

Athletic................ Flat-chested

Average looking......... Ugly

Beautiful............... Pathological liar

Educated................ College dropout

Emotionally Secure...... Medicated

Feminist................ Fat; ball buster

Friendship first........ Trying to live down reputation as slut

Fun..................... Annoying

Gentle.................. Comatose

Good Listener........... Borderline Autistic

New-Age................. All body hair, all the time

Open-minded............. Desperate

Outgoing................ Loud

Passionate.............. Loud

Poet.................... Depressive Schzophrenic

Professional............ Real Witch

Redhead................. Shops the Clairol more...

Morris was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager.
Morris, somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, "Hey DeBakey. ... Is dat you? Come over here a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris was working on a car.
Morris in a loud voice, all could hear, said argumentatively, "So Mr. fancy doctor, look at this work. I also take valves out, grind' em, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me are doing basically the same work?"
DeBakey, very embarrassed, walked away, and said softly, to Morris. .."Try doing your work with the engine running."

* While shaking hands get into a heated thumb wrestling match.
* Repeat everything your interviewer says, keep going until he or she yells at you. Then ask if you got the job.
* Stick a piece of broccoli between your front teeth, smile a lot.
* Sometime during the interview, frown and sniff suspiciously, ask the boss if he or she farted.
* Pick your nose and wipe contents underneath the lip of your interviewers desk.
* Bring in whoopie cushion, set it off, roll your eyes and look at your interviewer with disgust.
* In the beginning of the interview pull out a gun and put it on the interviewer’s desk in front of you, then say, "Mind if I rest this here during the interview?"
* Demand that if hired you want desk plate that reads, "Big Kahuna."
* As you follow your interviewer to his or her office kick out their heels so that they trip and fall on their face, laugh uncontrollably.
* Show up in your jogging outfit, run in more...

Adam was wandering around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, when he heard a loud voice ask him, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to, and he was feeling very lonely. Then the loud voice said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. The voice continued, saying; "this person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed." Adam thought that sounded great, so he asked "What would a woman like this cost me??" The voice answered, "an arm and a leg." Adam thought about that for a moment. He thought that would be a pretty high price to pay, so he then more...

Santa was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Taneja, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager.
Santa, who was somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, "Hey Banta. Is that you? Come over here a minute."
Dr. Taneja, a bit surprised, walked over to where Santa was working on the car. Santa, in a loud voice that all could hear, said argumentatively, "So Mr. Taneja doctor, look at this work. I also take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me are doing basically the same work?"
Dr. Taneja, very embarrassed, shook his head and replied in a soft voice, "Try doing your work with the engine running."

The Most Complete List Of Ways To Annoy People, Cops, Your Roommate, And More.

Annoy People

1. Pay tolls with $100 bills

2. Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the middle of the parking lot

3. Eat produce at the market; don't buy it

4. When giving directions, leave out a turn or two

5. Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April

6. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons

7. Knock and ask "How is it going?" to someone constipated in a public bathroom stall.

8. Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front of lines

9. Announce when you're going to the bathroom

10. Chew other people's pencils

11. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

12. Wear large hats during the movies

13. Touch strangers

14. Tell little children the truth about Santa more...