Loud Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day a blonde was riding on an airplane. There was a loud noise that came from outside the plane. The captain came on the intercom, "Attention passengers, we just lost one of our engines; but don't worry, the other three engines will keep us up. Also, we will arrive at our destination about an hour behind schedule."

Half an hour later, another loud noise sounded from outside the plane. The captain once again came on the intercom, "Attention passengers, do not be alarmed. We lost another engine, but the other two will still keep us flying. We will arrive at our destination about three hours late."

After the captain said this, the blonde leaned over to the passenger next to her and said, "If those other two engines go out, we'll be up here forever."

An American, Australian and Englishman where stranded together on a desert island. After many years together, one day the three men were walking on the beach when they saw an old bottle than had been washed up. Immediatley the American opened the bottle. There was a flash and a loud bang and a Genie appeared. The Genie said" I have been trapped in that bottle for a 1000 years, and as a reward I will give you all one wish"
The American straight away said "I want to go back home to New York"
With a wave of the Genie's hand, the American disappeared.
The Australian said "Please send me back to my home in Sydney"
"No Problem", the Genie answered. And the Austrialian disappear.
Suddenly there was a loud crash. Behind the Genie and the Englishman, a giant pink elephant had just fallen out of the sky onto the beach. The elephant picked himself up and looked around. He then looked at the Genie and the Englishman and said more...

An East Berlin family is facing eviction for their loud, nightly prayers. Pierre, the father of the Christian clan, said, "I don't want to disturb the neighbors, but you need high volume to battle the devil." To which his neighbors replied, "We don't care about the prayers, but do they have to play Creed all night long."
When asked for comment on the loud prayers, God replied, "I'd love to answer them, I just don't speak German."

Morris was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager.
Morris, somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, "Hey DeBakey... Is dat you? Come over here a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris was working on a car.
Morris in a loud voice, all could hear, said argumentatively, "So Mr. fancy doctor, look at this work. I also take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me are doing basically the same work?"
DeBakey, very embarrassed, walked away, and said softly, to Morris..."Try doing your work with the engine running."

FINE: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES: This is a half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.

NOTHING: This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (with normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or more...

You always buy the latest cell phone equipped with WAP, screen savers, etc. although youll use it mainly to send SMSs. You set the ring tone of your cell phone as loud as possible. You spend your weekends at an expensive five star hotel near your house. You have one of those gigantic 5000 watts stereo system even though you cant turn it as loud as you can since you live in a crowded neighborhood. Your Toyota Kijang is packed with bull bar, fog lights, roof rail, car alarm, expensive car audio, gold plated emblems, tail light protector, racing steering wheels, sports muffler, lowered suspension, 17 inch wheels with expensive tires, etc. Yet you find them not gaul enough. You are able to squeeze 15 passengers in your Toyota Kijang. If youre rich, you buy a huge 50. 000 dollars imported SUV and demands it to run minimal 12 kilometers with a liter of gas. You refuse to buy unleaded gas for your imported car even though it costs less than 20 cents a liter. You have your drivers license at more...

These three strings go into a bar and order a martini. One string
notices a horse with a sign that says, "Make me laugh, make me cry, win
$1000" on it. Meanwhile, a bell starts ringing in the clock tower overhead,
and suddenly there is a loud thud as a body falls to the street in
front of the bar. "I'm a Frayed Knot!" screams one enraged string at
the bartender, and then disappears. Kant leaves via the back door. The
other string stands in front of the horse and pulls down his pants. It
isn't clear at this point why the horse is wearing pants.
The Inspector walks in the front door and says to no one in particular,
"I can't remember his name, but his face rings a bell." Several dozen
customers instinctively stab their F keys. The remaining string gulps
down the rest of his martini and says, "And at these prices, you're not
likely to see many more!"
At the table in the back, the Doctor looks more...