Loud Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. A VAIN PERSON
One who loves the smell of his own fart.
2. AN AMIABLE PERSON
One who loves the smell of other people's farts.
3. A PROUD PERSON
One who thinks his farts are exceptionally pleasant.
4. A SHY PERSON
One who releases silent farts then blushes.
5. AN IMPUDENT PERSON
One who farts loud then laughs.
6. A SCIENTIFIC PERSON
One who farts regularly, but is concerned with pollution.
7. AN UNFORTUNATE PERSON
One who tries to fart but shits instead.
8. A NERVOUS PERSON
One who stops in the middle of a fart.
9. AN HONEST PERSON
One who admits he farted but offers a good medical reason.
10. A DISHONEST PERSON
One who farts and blames his dog.
11. A FOOLISH PERSON
One who suppresses a fart for hours.
12. A THRIFTY PERSON
One who always has farts in reserve.
13. AN ANTI-SOCIAL PERSON
One who excuses himself and farts in private.
14. STRATEGIC more...

A library is a somewhat easy place to annoy the people sitting around you, but for those of you with less then stellar creativity, we have made a list of things you can do...1. Read out loud. Very loud. And slowly.2. While pointing to a very simple word, like 'the', ask the person next to you if he/she can pronounce it for you.3. While looking at your book, turn so you're facing the person. Then, peer over the top of your book, and say "PEEKABOO!!"4. Put down you book, and look over and start reading the other persons book, and, either 1) say "Ooo. Nice book." or 2) when he/she looks at you, quickly pick up your book and act like your reading it.5. Suddenly look over at him/her, and say, "You're one of THEM!"6. Put down you book, and look at him/her. When they says something like "what?", cut them off by saying "Are you accusing me of something?"7. Read your book. Upside down.8. Read your book from right to left. And flip the pages the more...

A Teenager is... A person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number. A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast. A youngster who receives his/her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows from his/her best friend on Wednesday. Someone who can hear a song by Madonna played three blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room. A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can't make a bed. A student who will spend 12 minutes studying for her history exam and 12 hours for her driver's license. A youngster who is well informed about anything he doesn't have to study. An enthusiast who has the energy to ride a bike for miles, but is usually too tired to dry the dishes. A connoisseur of two kinds of fine music: Loud and Very Loud. A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates her brother. A person who is always late for dinner but always on time for a rock concert. A romantic who never more...

By Bill AdlerA Teenager is... A person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.. A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.. A youngster who receives his/her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows from his/her best friend on Wednesday. Someone who can hear a song by Madonna played three blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room. A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can't make a bed. A student who will spend 12 minutes studying for her history exam and 12 hours for her driver's license. A youngster who is well informed about anything he doesn't have to study. An enthusiast who has the energy to ride a bike for miles, but is usually too tired to dry the dishes. A connoisseur of two kinds of fine music: Loud and Very Loud. A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates her brother. A person who is always late for dinner but always on time for a Michael Jackson concert. more...

Moon MissionNASA is launching a rocket to the moon. On board there are two pigs and Kiki, a stunning blonde. When the rocket is outside the stratosphere, the first stage drops off.Contact is made: "Houston here, Pig 1, Pig 1, do you read us? Over.""Oink, oink, here Pig 1, read you loud and clear.""Pig 1, do you still know your instructions?""Yes, when we get to the moon, I press the red button to initiate the moon landing. Over.""That's right. Over and out."They go on until the rocket separates its booster stage."Hello, Pig 2? Come in please.""Oink, oink, here Pig 2, read you loud and clear.""OK, Pig 2 do you remember your instructions?""Yes, when we've landed on the moon and are ready to leave, I press on the green button to initiate the launch program.""That's right, Pig 2. Over and out."An hour later, when the rocket has achieved the correct speed the last stage drops off as planned. more...

Jazz guitarists are never very happy. Deep inside they want to be rock stars, but they're old and overweight. In protest, they wear their hair long, prowl for groupies, drink a lot, and play too loud.
Guitarists hate piano players because they can hit ten notes at once, but guitarists make up for it by playing as fast as they can. The more a guitarist drinks, the higher he turns his amp. Then the drummer starts to play harder, and the trumpeter dips into his loud/high arsenal.
Suddenly, the saxophonist's universe crumbles, because he is no longer the most important player on stage. He packs up his horn, nicks his best reed in haste, and storms out of the room. The pianist struggles to suppress a laugh. If you talk to a guitarist during the break he'll ask intimate questions about your 14-year-old sister.

Top Ten Things Men SHOULDN'T Say Out Loud In Victoria's Secret
#10 Does this come in children's sizes?
# 9 No Thanks. Just Sniffing.
# 8 I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
# 7 Mom will love this.
# 6 Oh the size won't matter. She's inflatable.
# 5 No need to wrap it up. I'll eat it here.
# 4 Will you model this for me???
# 3 The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace!!
# 2 45 bucks? You're just gonna end up NAKED anyway!!
And the number one thing that a man should never, ever say out loud in
Victoria's Secret:
# 1 Oh, honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!