Lounge Jokes

A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his.
"Oscar, what happened to you?", asked the flea, because Oscar looked terrible, wrapped up in a blanket, his nose running, his eyes red, and his teeth chattering.
"I got a ride down here in some guy's mustache and he came down here by motorcycle. I nearly froze my nuts off," wheezed Oscar.
"Let me give you a tip, old pal," said the first flea, spreading some more suntan oil on his shoulders. "You go to the stewardess lounge at the airport, see, and you get up on the toilet seat, and when an Air Florida stewardess comes in to take a leak, you hop on for a nice warm ride. Got it?"
So you can imagine the flea's surprise when, a month or so later, while stretched out all warm and comfortable on the beach, who should he see more...

These two fleas are sitting in Florida. One is shivering like crazy, saying "that has got to be the coldest ride I have ever had in my life!"
"How did you get here?" asks the other flea.
"I was in the moustache of some guy riding his motorcycle down the freeway."
"That is no way to travel to Florida" says the flea."Here is what you do. Go to the airport and find a lounge. Have a sip of someone's drink so you are relaxed. Find a really pretty girl and crawl up her leg and under her dress.G o inside her panties and you will find a nice warm place to curl up and fall asleep. The next thing you know, you are in Florida! Remember that for next time.We will get together next year and you can tell me how it went!"
The following year, the two fleas are back in Florida and the first
one is shivering like crazy. "That is the coldest f*%#in' ride to
Florida I have had in my life!!!"
"What happened to the more...

A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collarand is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie anddiscovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."

A man and a woman meet in a pub and start to chat. He tells her that he has just got divorced, and when she enquires as to the reason, he explains that he has always had a liking for kinky sex and that his ex-wife found it all a bit unpleasant. The woman replied that she too had recently divorced, and that it was because she also wanted to have kinky sex. The woman then suggests that they adjourn to her house and enjoy a session of kinky sex together. They eagerly hurry round to the woman's house and go into the lounge.
"Stay here," the woman says, "I'll be back in a minute."
The woman goes upstairs. 15 minutes later she comes back into the lounge wearing a rubber suit with metal studs, a leather mask, stiletto-heel boots, and brandishing a large bull-whip.
"Right then," says the man, "I'll be off then."
"Hold on," says the woman, "I thought you wanted have some kinky sex.
"Oh I did," said the man, more...

I was in the VIP lounge last week en route to Seattle. While still in the lounge I noticed Bill Gates sitting on the chesterfield enjoying a cognac. I was meeting with a very important client.

Being a forward type of guy, I approached Mr. Gates and introduced myself. I explained to him that I was conducting some very important business and how I would appreciate it if he could throw a quick "Hello George" at me when I was with my client. He agreed.

Ten minutes later while I was conversing with my client, felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates. I turned around and looked up at him. He said, "Hi George, what's happening?"

To which I replied, "F*%& off Gates, I'm in a meeting."