Lovely Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dec 25
My dearest darling Edward,
What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet partridge, in that lovely little pear-tree; what an enchanting, romantic, poetic present! Bless you, and thank you.
Your deeply loving,
Emily
Dec. 26
Beloved Edward,
The two turtle-doves arrived this morning, and are cooing away in the pear-tree as I write. I'm so touched and grateful!
With undying love, as always,
Emily
Dec. 27
My darling Edward,
You do think of the most original presents! Who ever thought of sending anybody three French hens? Do they really come all the way from France? It's a pity we have no chicken coops, but I expect we'll find some. Anyway, thank-you so much; they're lovely.
Your devoted,
Emily
Dec. 28
Dearest Edward,
What a surprise! Four calling birds arrived this morning. They are very sweet, even if they do call rather loudly - they make telephoning almost impossible - but I expect more...

Why was the centipede late? Because he was playing "This little Piggy" with his baby brother! What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot? A walkie talkie! What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? A centipede with chilblains! What has 50 legs but cant walk? Half a centipede! What do you call a guard with 100 legs? A sentrypede! What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken? Enough drumsticks to feed an army! What did one centipede say to the other centipede? You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs....! Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team? He took too long to put his boots on! What is worse than an alligator with toothache? A centipede with athlete's foot! What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk? A centipede with a wooden leg!

Yeh tri aankhein jhuki-jhuki si,
Yeh tra chehra khila-khila sa,
jab tre chehre par haath fera,
Aadha kilo Fair & lovely mila…

An Army driver was chauffeur to a Major who was a notorious womanizer. One day, the major saw a lovely girl. “Turn the car around, ” he ordered.
The driver promptly stalled the car. By the time he had re-started it the girl had vanished.
“Driver, ” said the major, “you'd be a total loss in an emergency. ”
“I thought I did pretty well, ” the driver said. “That was my girl. ”

"Wasn't it lovely out there on the lake?" the young man said to his date as they were returning from the canoe ride.
With a happy sigh she replied, "It's lovely anyplace."

What did one centipede say to the other centipede? You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs. ...!

Diary of a New Snow ShovelerDecenber 8th 6: 00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9th We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shovelled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life. December 12th The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll more...