Luck Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times...When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed,you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"

"What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck, why don't you fuck off?"

Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all, while the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secret is."mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm," is the reply."I'm sorry, what did you say?""mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm," the successful fisherman repeats."I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you." The man spits something into his hand and says very clearly, "You've got to keep your worms warm."

Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.

2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.

3. Although they have time for women, they don`t really care for them.

4. Although they don`t really care for them, they always have one Around.

5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others.

6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women leaves them.

7. Although the women leaves them they still don`t learn from their Mistakes and still try their luck with others.


Women:

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.

2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive Clothes.

3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.

4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress more...

Q. When will my baby move? A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.

The other day I saw a' 'Honk if you love Jesus'' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and how good He is... and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,' 'For the love of GOD! GO, GO!! Jesus Christ, GO!!'' What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times more...

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?

Halfway along a commercial flight, a stewardess spoke out to the surprised passengers,
"Ladies and gentlemen! We have the honor to announce that you happen to be aboard the 10,001st flight of Good Grace Airlines! To celebrate this historic event, we are glad to give each of you a special valuable gift."
The passengers immediately broke into a cheerful applause, congratulating each other on the sudden luck they had. Then one man said aloud,
"This is really exciting! But why didn't you choose the 10,000th flight? I suppose it's a better number for a celebration."
"Certainly we did," replied the stewardess, "but unfortunately, because that flight crashed, we decided to shift the celebration."