Lucy Jokes / Recent Jokes

After her fifth child, Lucy decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory.
Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there.
Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.
Who are these from ?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them."
"Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks."
"Ahhh, thats really nice" said Lucy.
"The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very more...

After her fifth child, Lucy decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory.Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there.Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.Who are these from ?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them.""Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks.""Ahhh, thats really nice" said Lucy."The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!""Brilliant!" said Lucy. more...

One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteerto tell a story. Suzy said, "Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto theroad." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Next is little Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched." Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of more...

One day at the end of class little Johnny's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand.
"My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."
The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Next is little Lucy. "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched."
The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies "Don't count your eggs before they're hatched."
Last is little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over more...

A man was at an unnamed bar when the bartender said, "If you can come up with a name for this bar, I'll give you a free drink."
The man was drunk, so he said "Lucy's Legs."
Overjoyed, the bartender said "Great! Come tomorrow for a free drink!"
The next day, the man was standing in front of Lucy's Legs. A cop asked him what he was doing. He replied "I'm waiting for Lucy's Legs to open so that I can get a free drink!"

A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different."Because I'm not an atheist."Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?""I'm a Christian."The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian."Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian."The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly."What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"She paused, and smiled. "Then," more...