Luggage Jokes / Recent Jokes
Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were traveling by a private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting, "This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane. Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane. Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped. Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane. The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left, and there more...
A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, "Id like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London."The confused agent said, "Im sorry, we cant do that.""Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because thats exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"
Airline Clerk: Destination, sir?
Passenger: Well, this bag's going to Albany, the duffle is bound for Akron, and the set of golf clubs is heading for Altoona.
Airline Clerk: Sir, we can't send your luggage to all those different places!
Passenger: Sure you can. You did it just last month when I flew to Atlanta.
A woman called and asked "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said "No, why do you ask?" She replied "Well, when I checked in with the airline they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I looked into it (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
It Was The Beginning Of December. The Trip Had Gone Reasonably Well, And He Was Ready To Go Back. The Airport On The Other Hand Had Turned A Tacky Red And Green With Loudspeakers Blaring Annoying Elevator Renditions Of Cherished Christmas Carols.
Being Someone Who Took Christmas Very Seriously, And Being Slightly Tired, He Was Not In A Particularly Good Mood.
Going To Check In His Luggage, He Saw Hanging Mistletoe. Not Real Mistletoe, But Very Cheap Plastic With Red Paint On Some Of The Rounder Parts And Green Paint On Some Of The Flatter And "Pointier" Parts, That Could Be Taken For Mistletoe Only In A Very Picasso Sort Of Way.
With A Considerable Degree Of Irritation And Nowhere Else To Vent It, He Said To The Lady Attendant, "Even If I Were Not Married, I Would Not Want To Kiss You Under Such A Ghastly Mockery Of Mistletoe."
"Sir, Look More Closely At Where The Mistletoe more...
McAteer arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered about the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick."No," replied McAteer. "I've lost all me luggage!" "How'd that happen?" "The cork fell out," said the Irishman.
At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, “We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41. ”
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.
So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: “Thank you for participating in Delta’s physical fitness program.