Maid Jokes / Recent Jokes

A story I'll tell of a burglar boldWho started to rob a house; He opened the window, and then crept inAs quiet as a mouse. He looked around for a place to hide,'Till the folks were all asleep, Then said he, "With their moneyI'll take a quiet sneak."So under the bed the burglar crept; He crept up close to the wall; He didn't know it was an old maid's roomOr he wouldn't have had the gall. He thought of the money that he would steal, As under the bed he lay; But at nine o'clock he saw a sightThat made his hair turn gray. At nine o'clock the old maid came in;"I am so tired," she said; She thought that all was well that nightSo she didn't look under the bed. She took out her teeth and her big glass eye, And the hair from off her head; The burglar, he had forty fitsAs he watched from under the bed. From under the bed the burglar crept, He was a total wreck; The old maid wasn't asleep at allAnd she grabbed him by the neck. She didn't holler, or shout or call, She was as more...

Two young boys, both from well-to-do families, were talking over a McDonald's.
1st Boy: Our new French maid is a robot.
2nd Boy: A Robot? Maids aren't robots.
1st Boy: Well, ours is. I overheard my dad telling one of his golf buddies that he he screws her ass off every Saturday!

Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"
Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"
Son: "What is politics?"
Father: "Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner,
so let's call me "Capitalism". Your mother is the administrator
of money, so we'll call her "Government". We take care of
your needs, so we'll call you "The People". We'll call the maid
"The Working Class", and your baby brother we can call "The
Future". "Do you understand, Son?"
Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it".
That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went
to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously
soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parent's room and found his
mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking
through more...

Max the plumber was summoned to a mansion to fix a leak and, discovering a very pretty maid there, he lost no time trying to combine business with pleasure. The girl refused on the grounds that her mistress was home, and she didn't want to be discovered and fired. After several refusals, Max finished the job and returned to his shop.
Next morning his phone rang, and his caller was the maid. In dulcet tones, she informed him that her mistress was out, and asked if he wanted to come over and see her.
"What!" yelled Max. "On my own time?"

The very snobbish wife was discussing the subject of Christmas presents with her maid. "Now what about the butler?" the rich woman said.

"A set of wine glasses?" the maid suggested.

The woman frowned icily. "He doesn't really need that. A butler never entertains. He'll get a tie."

The maid grimaced, but said only, "What about a dress for Jenny, the serving girl?"

The woman frowned again. "She doesn't really need a new dress. She'll only get in trouble. We'll get her another apron."

The conversation continued in the same vein, and the maid was chafing at her employer's arrogance when they reached her husband. "I assume you want to get him something he really needs, madam?" the maid replied.

"Of course," the woman replied.

"Then how about five more inches?"

The following coorespondence actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have bought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you, S. Berman
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as your requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid.
Dear Maid,
I hope you are my more...

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests. The hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times. This is long, but funny!
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
~~~~~~
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy,
Relief more...