Maid Jokes / Recent Jokes

Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Hubby: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
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Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.

Girl: Well, that's because we aren't married yet!
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Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's more...

The house owner was really interested with his maid girl and planning to have good time once his wife is away.
So the time comes and he had sex with maid girl. but after sometimes he was feeling bad and he hurt himself for his mistake.
Few days back, he really felt very much upset and he planned to make suicide by cutting his penis. He was mumbling and just took the knife.
The parrot which lives in his house understood his owner planning to have suicide and need to save him. The parrot called the police station immediately. Sir, please come immediately and save my owner who is going to suicide.
Meantime, the owner tries and gets failure to cut his penis. he was afraid too. Parrot were noticing these things and got upset once realized what's going to happen. Called the police immediately. Police were rushing and had a call from the same number again. Police wondered and answered the call.
The parrot speaks, sir, please save me before save my owner.
He is more...

One day the pretty young maid announced to the Lady of the house that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, "I am in the family way."

The Lady of the house was both surprised and shocked and asked who it was.

The maid replied, "Your husband and your son."

This time, she was horrified and demanded an explanation.

"Well," the maid explained, "I go to the library to clean it and your husband say,' You are in the way'. I go to the living room to clean and your son say' You are in my way'. So I'm in the family way. And I quit!"

A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. They hired a lovely lass for the job.
She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat. One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quite.
"But why?" asked the disappointed wife.
She hemmed and hawed and said she didn't want to say, but the wife was persistent, so finally she said, "Well on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and well, I'm pregnant."
The wife said, "Look, we don't want to lose you. My husband and I don't have children, and we'll adopt your baby if you will stay."
She talked to her husband; he agreed, and the maid said she would stay. The baby came, they adopted it, and all went well.
After several months though, the maid came in again and said that she would have to quit. The wife questioned her, found out that she more...

A lawyer who works in Texas gets a call about an emergency which requires him to immediately fly out of the state for a short period of time. He has no time to pack, so he calls home to tell his wife he is going.
The maid answers the call, but is rather hesitant about putting his wife on the phone. After quite a bit of insisting, she admits that the wife is upstairs in bed with the mailman!
The lawyer is furious, and wants to rush right home, but of course there's this emergency to take care of. So instead, he tells the maid to go get the gun from the desk drawer and kill both his wife and the mailman.
She protests of course! The lawyer then explains that under Texas law it is legal to kill your adulterous wife and her lover. Using all his powers of persuasion, he finally convinces her to do it. She puts down the phone, and soon the lawyer hears the sound of two gun shots, a scream, some loud thumps and, finally, two splashes.
The maid comes back to the phone. The more...

A couple trying to break into society, hosted a dinner party. As the guests were enjoying their dinner salad, the maid called the hostess from the table. The maid informed her that the cat had climbed on the kitchen table and eaten a large portion of the salmon's mid- section.
The hostess decided to fill the eaten portion with some canned salmon and other camouflage. As the guests were enjoying the fish, the maid called the hostess into the kitchen and announced while wringing her hands, "Madam, the cat is dead."
The hostess and her husband informed the guests and suggested it might be best if everyone went to the hospital and had their stomachs pumped. Returning home, the couple asked the maid where she had put the cat.
"It is still out on the road where the car ran over it."

John and Claire are just newly married. They are still a little shy about doing the "wild thing", so they decide to just refer to it as "washing the clothes". One night, Claire invites some of her friends over for dinner, but John is really horny and doesn't want to have to entertain their guests. So, as Claire is serving the main course, he whispers in her ear, "Let's go wash the clothes". Claire is horrified that he could even suggest such a thing while they're entertaining, and she refuses. John tries again, but she won't give in. Claire tells him instead to go upstairs and get the candleholders from the hall closet. Frustrated, John slowly walks up the stairs to get them. While he's upstairs, Claire thinks of the fun they'd have if they COULD "wash the clothes". Nah, she thinks. Not now. But eventually her imagination gets the best of her, and she tells the maid to run upstairs and tell John that she'll be up in a minute to help him. The more...