Maid Jokes / Recent Jokes

A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the maid. She thought of a plan to take him by surprise. One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid's room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed. Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid's bed beside her. After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked, "Surprised?" "I sure am, ma'am!" stammered the chauffeur.

A guy dials his home phone from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid.", answered the woman.

"We don't have a maid!"

"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."

"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

"Ummm. ... she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."

The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"

"What do I have to do?"

"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she is with." The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by two gunshots.

The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"

"Throw them in the swimming pool!"

"What?! There's no pool more...

Suspecting her husband was having an affair with the maid, a wife thought of a way to take him by surprise.
One Friday, she gave the maid the day off. That night, she went into the maid's room, turned off all the lights, slipped into the maid's bed and waited. A couple of hours later, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid's bed beside her.
After several passionate kisses, the wife suddenly sat up, switched on a light and asked, "Surprised?"
"You bet I am, ma'am," stammered the nervous chauffeur.

"Doc, I think my son has VD," a patient told his urologist on the phone. "The only woman he's screwed is our maid."
"Okay, don't be hard on him. He's just a kid," the medic soothed. "Get him in here right away and I'll take care of him."
"But I've been screwing the maid too, and I've got the same symptoms he has."
"Then you come in with him and I'll fix you both up," replied the doctor.
"Well," the man admitted, "I think my wife has it too."
"Oh crap!" the physician roared. "That means we've all got it!"

A business man from France checks into a High class hotel. He checks into his room and ready to nap when he heard a nock on the door.
(knock knock)
Man: "Who iz it!"
Maid: "The maid sir. would you care for fresh sheets on your bed."
Man: "Go away!! I don't carez for any fresh shit on my bed."
Confused, the maid leaves the sheets outside his door. Later that evening the French man decides to go down to the hotel restraunt and have dinner.
Before ordering the waiter asks: "Sir, can I interest you in a glass of wine and a clean fork on your table."
Man: "Excuzzze me! But I don't care to have a clean fuck on the table. I shall dine elseware."
So he exits the restraunt, and proceeds to dine across the street. While walking. A bum approaches and ask him for a dollar. The french man pulls out a dollar. Thinking this is an American tradition in this country.
The bum replys: "Thank you more...

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:
"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin."
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:
"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin."
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but being the lazy no- goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long.
They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."