Marine Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Marine and Airman are doing their business in urinals next to each other in an airport bathroom. They engage in some small talk, mostly some pot shots at the others branch of service.
They both finish around the same time. The Airman goes to the sink and starts to wash his hands while the Marine just heads for the door.
The Ariman looks at him disgusted and says, "At least in Air Force boot camp they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss." The Marine looks at him and says, "In Marine Corps boot camp they teach us not to piss on ours".
The president got off the helicopter in front of the White House with a baby hog under each arm.
The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "Nice pigs, sir".
The president replied, "These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback hogs.I got one for Hillary and I got one for Chelsea."
The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, "Nice trade, sir."
Bill Clinton got off his helicopter in front of the White House with a baby pig under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said "Nice pigs, Sir!"The President replied "These are not pigs. They are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Hillary, and I got one for Chelsea." The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, "Nice trade, Sir!"
A marine and a sailor are in the bathroom. When they finish, the sailor says,"In the navy, they teach us to wash our hands," and the marine says," In the marines, they teach us not to piss on our hands."
A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, ''Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving.''
He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, ''Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?''
The Officer replies, ''The President is just so depressed about the Impeachment thing he stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him.''
''Oh really? How much have you collected so far?''
''So far only about three hundred gallons, but I've got a lot of folks still siphoning!''
An Army Ranger was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However, he was not prepared to pay the high prices. After failing to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, he ended up shouting "I dont give two hoots for your shoes, man, Ill go and kill my own!"The shopkeeper replied, "By all means. Just watch out for the two Marines who are doing the same."So the Ranger went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. "They must be the two Marines," he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The Marine stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow him, the Marine struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already lay. Together the two Marines threw nthe gator onto its back, whereupon one exclaimed "Damn! more...
A marine is sitting at the bar and a striking redhead sits down next to him. He gives her a cursory look, smiles and continues to nurse his beer. Five minutes later he glances at his watch and the redhead - wondering why she had not been hit upon - asked, "Are you waiting for your girlfriend!" "No," he responded. "This is not merely a watch. It is a sensory pickup and I can tell things about other people, like... well, the fact that you're not wearing panties!" The redhead smiled and said, "Well, you had best get it fixed because I am wearing panties!" The marine looked at his watch and replied, "Hmmmm! It seems to be running about an hour fast!"