Marine Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three Marines were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first Marine said “those are deer tracks. ”
The second Marine said “No, those are elk tracks. ”
The third Marine said “You’re both wrong, those are moose tracks. ”
The Marines were still arguing when the train hit them.

The National Science Foundation announced the following study results on U. S. military recreation preferences:
Sport of choice for Marines: bowling.

Sport of choice for Sailors: football.

Sport of choice for Soldiers: baseball.

Sport of choice for Coast Guardsmen: tennis.

Sport of choice for Airmen: golf.

Notice how the farther down the list you go, the smaller their balls get.

Are you a musclehead?

Was your high school GPA put down as N/A?

Do you have explosive rage and curse excessively? Do you have a strange desire to kill everything in sight?

Have you found yourself in solitary confinement on occasion?

If youve answered yes to any of these questions the United States Marine Corps may be right for you. Call 1-800-MARINES The few, the proud, the downright crazy. THE MARINES

Q. What color is chickenshit?
A. Marine Green ps do this at your own risk them bastards are nuts!!! hahaha

It was another bitterly cold day on January 23, 2009 an old man approached the White House from Across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to goin and meet with President Bush."

The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here." The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President more...

A reality TV manager was interviewing one person from each of the armed forces for a spot on the new TV show. A soldier came in first and the manager handed him a berretta, and said, "Go into the other room there and shoot whoever it is in there."

The soldier goes in and came back out and said, "I can't do it." He didn't get the spot. Next a sailor came in and the manager said the same thing to him. The sailor went into the room, came out and said, "I can't do that."

He didn't get the spot. Then an Air Force pilot came in and was handed the same berretta and was told to do the same thing. Before he even went in he turned the manager down. Finally a Marine came in and stood in front of the manager at parade rest.

The manager handed him the berretta and told him to kill whomever it was in the other room. The Marine walked in and from behind the door came a loud BANG!! Then what sounded like braking wood and then more...

An army 2Lt. is taking his platoon on patrol when his scouts come running back and say
"Sir, there's a Marine standing in the road".
The Lt. scoffs and sends a fire team to go investigate and remove the Marine.
They approach the Marine and he begins to head for a small ridge on the side of the road and motions for them to follow.
As the rest of the platoon advances and takes cover they hear yelling and screaming.
The Marine emerges a couple minutes of later and dusts himself off and again stands in the middle of the road.
The Lt. curses and calls for a squad to remove the Devil Dog.
He again heads down to s small ridge and they follow.
Once again there is blood-curdling screaming and weeping.
And AGAIN the Marine emerges and dusts himself off.
Bewildered and pissed off, the Lt. sends all but his platoon Sgt. down and says
"Eliminate the motherfu**er". They run towards him and again follow him to the ridge.
The more...