Marked Jokes / Recent Jokes

Standing at the pearly gates of heaven, Albert noticed pointing to two paths. One was marked "Women" and the other marked "Men".
He took the path assigned to men and then came upon two more gates.
The right-hand gate had a sign that read "Men Who Were Dominated By Their Spouses"; the other gate read "Men Who Were Boss And Dominated Their Spouses". The first gate had an endless line of guys waiting, but only one little guy stood before the male domination gate.
Albert was undecided, so he walked up to the little guy standing all alone and asked, "Why are you standing at this gate, a little punk like you?"
The smallish fellow replied, "I haven't a clue. My wife told me to stand here."

Standing at the pearly gates of heaven, Albert noticed pointing to two paths. One was marked "Women" and the other marked "Men".He took the path assigned to men and then came upon two more gates.The right-hand gate had a sign that read "Men Who Were Dominated By Their Spouses"; the other gate read "Men Who Were Boss And Dominated Their Spouses". The first gate had an endless line of guys waiting, but only one little guy stood before the male domination gate. Albert was undecided, so he walked up to the little guy standing all alone and asked, "Why are you standing at this gate, a little punk like you?"The smallish fellow replied, "I haven't a clue. My wife told me to stand here."

Last night, while grocery shopping, I found a rather unusual item on
the shelves. After filling my basket with Stouffer's Yuppie Chow, I
strolled down the cereal aisle, where I saw several boxes of a substance
labeled "Nintendo Cereal System." I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.
After all, cartoon characters have been "endorsing" cereals for years,
so why shouldn't Super Mario Brothers get into the act?
I see tremendous potential here. What better way for an organization
with a sociopolitical agenda to infiltrate the minds and stomachs of
Americans than to deliver its message at the breakfast table? I have
seen the future of public relations, and it is the gastronomic equivalent
of a "sound bite." I, for one, would rather sit down to a bowl of
whale-shaped granola than receive another one of those envelopes from
Greenpeace marked, "Animal Rights Survey Inside-Please Complete and
Return Within Ten more...

Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent! Yo mama so dark she spits chocolate milk! Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent. Yo mama so dark that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal. Yo mama so dark she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.

A man travelling by plane was in urgent need of the toilet. But each time he looked up, the illuminated sign proclaimed that it was occupied.
The stewardess, aware of his predicament, suggested that he uses the airplane's new prototype women's loo. But he must not press any of the buttons inside. The were labelled WW, WA, PP, and ATR.
The man's curiousity got the best of him and he started pressing the buttons one by one.
When he pressed WW, Warm, fragrant Water was sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, wow, the women really have it made.
Still curious, he pressed the button marked WA, and a gentle breeze of Warm Air quickly dried his hindquarters. He thought this was fantastic and reached for the button marked PP.
This yielded a large Powder Puff that delicately applied a soft talc to his rear. Naturally, he couldn't resist the last button marked ATR.
When he woke up in the hospital, he buzzed for the nurse. "What happened to me? The last thing more...

One of England's fastest bowlers was taking a quiet stroll in a little village when he came upon a game of cricket. This being in the age before TV, cricketers were not always recognised by face.

The visiting team was one player short and invited the great man not knowing who he was. The home team was batting first. Soon it became evident that the umpires were more than slightly in favour of the batsmen, when several appeals for catches behing the wicket and leg-before were turned down.

The visiting captain, in desperation, and having used all his bowlers turned to our friend. The Test cricketer, Harold Larwood, marked out a short run-up and came in and bowled his first delivery. The batsman was plumb in front and was about to move.

"Howzzaat!" cried the visitors. But the umpire just shook his head in denial.

Lol, a little miffed, came in again, and there was a loud noise to be heard as the batsman nicked to the keeper. But, once more...

Two young men decided to make a bet as to which one of them could make love more times in one night. They agreed that sunrise would be the end of the contest and each went to their respective motel rooms.
The more boastful of the two... went right to it and made love to his date... leaned over and marked a "l" on the wall... Feeling sprightly, he went again... and once again at the completion of the act... marked another "l" on the wall - next to the first. Figuring he had the bet in the bag... he decided to relax a bit and in relaxing... fell asleep.
Awakened by the sun's rays coming in the window... he quickly grab his lady and did it one more time... and marked another "l" on the wall... Just at that time... His friend enters... and upon seeing the marks on the wall exclaims:
"DAMN - a hundred and eleven... beat me by three..."