Marked Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bill Clinton dies and goes to hell. Satan is giving him a VIP tour, showing him his options for spending eternity.
They come to a room marked "Hitler." Inside is Eva Braun, torturing Adolf Hitler with red-hot irons. Every time Hitler tries to escape,
Eva applies another iron.
"I can't spend eternity like that," says Clinton. "Show me something else."
Satan takes him to another room marked "Jack the Ripper."
Inside are three mutilated prostitutes, stretching Jack on the rack.
Every time Jack screams, the whores turn the wheel a little more.
"I can't spend eternity like that, either," says Clinton. "Show me something better."
Satan takes Bill to the last door.
Inside, Kenneth Starr is being held up to the wall with chains around his wrists. At his groin is Monica Lewinsky giving him oral sex.
Bill smiles. "Yes!" he shouts, "that's for me."
Satan smirks and says more...

A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds that St. Peter is not there, but a computer terminal is sitting next to the arch. He walks up to it and sees "Welcome to www.Heaven.com. Please enter your User ID and Password to continue." He doesn't have either, but underneath the fields is a small line reading: "Forgot your ID or Password? Click Here." So he does.
Up pops a screen which reads, "Please enter at least two of the following, and your pasword and ID will be e-mailed to you." The fields include "Name," "Date of birth," "Date of death," and "Favorite Food."
The man enters his name and date of birth, and clicks "Submit."
Up pops another screen which reads, "We are sorry, we did not find a match in our database. Would you like to register?" So the man clicks the button marked "Yes."
A long and detailed form appears on the screen, and the man spends some time filling more...

A man has a car wreck and they have to amputate his brain. So the nurse takes him to the brain transplant wearhouse. On one side of the shelves are lined with brains marked $500. 00 each. On the other side the shelves are lined with brains marked $200. 00 each. The brainless man asks why the price differece. The nurse points to the $200. 00 brains and explains that these are female brains, so they've been used.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form And then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never Let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some Actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance Engineers.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak more...