Market Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day a man went off to the market to buy rice. Unfortunately, he lost the sack on the way. He went home and told his wife, "The market is too busy today, and besides I lost our sack." His wife asked nervously, "So, what about the money?" "Oh, no problem. It's safe. I have tied it to the bottom of the sack."

* If Oracle made toasters… They’d claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home you’d discover the Bagel Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three years away and that, indeed, the whole appliance was just blowing smoke!
* If HP made toasters… They would market the Reverse Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread!
* If IBM made toasters… They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.
* If Xerox made toasters… You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread for you.
* If Circuit City made toasters… The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.
* If Thinking Machines made toasters… You more...

After she was finished with Cinderella, the fairy godmother paid a visit on another poor young girl, Minuetta. Extremely flat-chested, the woman is convinced that her life would improve if only she had large breasts.
"All right," the fairy godmother said. "How about we fix it so that every time a man says 'pardon' to you, your breasts grow a bit."
Delighted with the arrangement, Minuetta goes to the market next day. Bumping into the woodcutter, she's delighted when he tips his hat, says, "I beg your pardon," and her breasts grow nearly an inch. Later, when a coachmean accidentally splashes mud on her, he stops and says, "Pardon me." Her breasts grow again.
Smiling radiantly when she reaches the market, she goes to the vegetable stand and asks the Arab merchant for some bread. While he's handing it to her, he accidentally knocks a tub of jam on her dress.
"Oh dear," he bows and scrapes, "a thousand pardons!"

While the U.S. stock market was at an all time high, the ups and downs frightened a lot of small investors. A guy went to his financial adviser at the bank and ask if he were worried. He replied that he slept like a baby. He was amazed and asked, "Really? Even with all the fluctuations?" He said, "Yes. I sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and cry for a couple of hours."

The stock market really plummeted today, but luckily there is a computer chip that is used to turn off the board if it gets too low. The Cubs have the same chip in there scoreboard.

"A friend of mine made a killing in the market today."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he shot the manager of the Acme."

Did you hear about the new paint on the market? It's called Blonde. It's not very bright, but it spreadseasy!