Master Jokes / Recent Jokes

"I went to the gym and spent five minutes on the Stair Master," Moe said to Joe. "Then I went home and spent an hour on the Couch Master."

"I know what you mean," replied Joe. "These days, the only exercise I get is letting my imagination run wild."

Three people, 2 men and 1 woman, and their dogs are in the Vets waiting room. The first man's dog asked the second man's dog what he's there for. They are putting me down. Oh no, says the first dog, why? The second dog says, "Well, you see... I've been chasing the Postman for years. Yesterday, I finally caught him, and bit him. So, I'm going to be put to sleep. The second dog says, "Well, my master just completely remodeled the inside of his house. I didn't like it because my scent wasn't anywhere, anymore. So, when he went to bed last night, I pissed on everything I could find, to get my scent back. This morning, my master found out what I had done, so he is putting me to sleep also.
The third dog said, "This is my masters new girlfriend. She runs around the house all the time without her cloth. This makes me very horny. So, this morning, as she was getting out of the shower, and bent over to wipe up the water on the floor. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I jumped more...

A man in a bar with his Labrador at his feet was intrigued to see another dog owner enter the bar.' That's a strange looking dog you have there,' he said.

'Yes, he is rather,' said the newcomer,' but he's a great fighter.'

'Is he now? I bet he isn't as good a fighter as my Fang here.'

'All right - how much do you wanna bet?'

'Ten dollars.'

'You're on.'

So the two men let their dogs fight. Eventually the Labrador crawled, battered and bloody, to his master's side.

'I'd never thought I'd see Fang get defeated,' said the loser's master, handing over the ten dollars,' especially by such an odd-looking one like yours.'

'Yes, he does look a little peculiar,' agreed the winner's master.' But he looked even odder before I shaved his mane off. . . '

The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to ahot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, whopays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Where's mychange?" asks the Zen Master. The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

Dennis Rodman finds a bottle on the beach and picks it up...suddenly a female genie appears from the bottle.
"Master, I may grant you one wish." says the genie with a smile.
"Hey, Bitch... don't you know who I am... I don't need no woman give me nuttin!" barks Rodman.
The genie pleads..."But Master I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to this bottle forever."
Dennis thinks a moment... then grumbling about the inconvenience of it all... he says "Ok, ok... I wanna wake up with three women in my bed in the morning. So just do it!" (giving the genie an evil glare) "Now leave me alone!" he screams.
So the annoyed genie says, "So be it!" and disappears back into the bottle.
Next morning, he wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His penis is gone, his leg is broken, and he has no health insurance.

A guy gets a new dog, a nice Jewish dog. So he calls him Irving. He can't wait to show him off to his neighbor, so when the neighbor finally comes over, the guy calls Irving into the house, bragging about how smart he is.
The dog quickly comes running and stands looking up at his master, tail wagging excitedly, mouth open, tongue hanging out, eyes bright with anticipation.
The guy points to the newspaper by the door and commands "Okay, Irving, Fetch!"
Immediately, the dog climbs on to the couch and sits, his tail wagging furiously. Then all of a sudden, he stops. His doggie smile disappears. He starts to frown and puts on a sour face.
Looking up at his master, he whines, "You think this is easy, wagging my tail all the time? Oy... This constant wagging of the tail puts me in such pain, you should only know! And you think it's easy eating that junk you call designer dog food. Forget it...it's too salty and it gives me gas. And also the runs, but what do more...

Dennis Rodman picked up a bottle he found on the beach and suddenly a genie appeared.
"Master," said the genie, "I may grant you one wish."
"Hey, listen bitch," Rodman yells, "don't you know who I am? I don't need no dumbass woman givin' me nuttin'."
"But Master, I must grant you one wish or I shall be returned to the bottle forever," the genie pleaded.
Dennis thought for a brief moment, then grumbled, "Okay, fine... I wanna wake up with three women in my bed in the morning."
Angry and hurt by his ungrateful attitude, the genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared back into the bottle.
The next morning Dennis woke up with Tonya Harding, Lorena Bobbitt and Hillary Clinton. His leg was broken, his penis was gone and he had no health insurance.