Master Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert.
"What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the
desert?" he asked.
Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then one
little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand.
"Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout
Master.
Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards."
"Why's that Timmy?"
"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent
dehydration..."
"And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently.
"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, you can be sure someone is bound to come up
behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top more...

A gorilla was walking thru' a jungle when he came across a deer eating grasses in a clearing. The gorilla roared,' Who's the king of the jungle?', and the deer replied,' Oh, you are, Master.'The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. Again, he roared,'Who's the king of the jungle?', of course, the zebra replied,' You are, master.'The gorilla walked of pleased. Then he came across an elephant.' Who's the king of the jungle?', he roared again, at the elephant. With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him. The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said,' Ok, ok, there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer!'

Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to
celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,
"Ladies
and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have
ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.
Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to
land on the beach.
However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to
live
on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the
island.
An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, "Mona, did we pay our
Rs
5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Mona, did we
pay
our ICICI Bank Master card yet?"
"Oh no! I`m more...

A Schoolmaster from a remote rural area was transferred to a school in Bombay. He reported for duty two days before August 15 and, as was the practice in the school, was asked to address the assembly on Independence Day. Here`s his dynamite speech:
Leddies and Gentulmens,
Contemporaries, Children, "This is my first maiden speech. If small small mistakes get inside my speech, I ask pardon. Stickly
speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following reason. Too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. The clerk rejected to give ticket. I put complaint on station master. He said me to go to lady clerk. At first she also rejected. I then pressed her for long time and
at last with great difficulty she gave a birth only to my son. Anyway I thanked the station master because he was responsible
for getting birth of my son.
We got independent because of great leaders linke Gandhiji who get-outted all more...

The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to ahot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, whopays with a $20 bill.The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Where's mychange?" asks the Zen Master. The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

penis and toe are talking one day.
toe complains,"Man, i hae a hard life.every day im stuck inside a smelly shoe, and because my master is so clumsy, i always get hurt and sore"
penis sighs and responds, "you call that a hard life,
my master makes me do push ups untill i throw up"!!

Two friends were in a bar drinking a beer when one pulled out a cigar but he didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.."I sure do," he replied and reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10 inch Bic lighter."Wow!" said his friend, "where did you get that monster.""I got it from my genie.""You have a genie?" he asked."Yes, he's right here in my pocket.""Could I see him?"He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie. The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?""Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into his master's pocket and leaves the man standing there waiting for his million bucks. About this time, a duck walks into the bar followed by another. Then more ducks come pouring in. Before long the entire bar has ducks everywhere. The friend tells his buddy, "What is going on more...