Mastermind Jokes

The criminal mastermind found one of his gang sawing the legs off his bed. "What are you doing that for?" demanded the crook boss. "Only doing what you ordered," said the stupid thug. "You told me to lie low for a bit!"

1. My doomsday device would not employ a large red digital countdown device unless it was absolutely necessary. If a countdown device proves to be necessary, the doomsday device will be set to activate when the counter reaches 00:10:00, rather than 00:00:00.
2. My Legions of Terror will have uniforms designed by a talented fashion designer, and will not be a cheap knockoff of the Nazi SS uniform, the roman foot-soilder uniform, or the clothing of the savage Mongol horde. All such groups were eventually defeated, and I want my troops to have a more positive outlook on themselves.
3. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic rifle marksmanship. Any who cannot hit a man-sized target at ten meters will be used for target practice.
4. I will not use any Master Plan for which the final step is horrably complicated (for example: align the 12 stones of power on the sacred alter and activate the medallion durring a total eclipse). Instead, I will use plans that have a final more...