Matches Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why do grasshoppers not go to many football matches? They prefer cricket matches!

A guy walks up to this farmer and asks if he can stay in his barn for the night.
The farmer replies, "Sure you can. I only have four matches though. Also watch out for the four corners of the barn."
The man replies, "Thanks for the matches and the advice.
The farmer walks him to the barn and tells the man to have a goodnight and he will see him in the morning. The man says, "thanks" and goes in the barn.
He lights the first match and looks in the first corner. He sees a beautiful woman and goes over to the corner. He fucks her and the match goes out.
He lights the second match and looks in the second corner. Much to his surprise he sees an even more beautiful woman than the first. He fucks her and the match goes out.
He lights the third match and it goes out. He lights the last match and looks in the third corner. The woman standing in the third corner is even more beautiful than the other two. He fucks her and the match goes more...

While enjoying a drink with a friend one night, a guy decides to try his luck with a gorgeous girl who's sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he'd like to come back to her place.
The pair jump into a taxi and immediately upon arriving at her place, they dive onto the bed and spend the night hard at it.
Finally, completely worn out, he pulls out a cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she might happen to have one.
"Look in the top drawer of the bedside table," she says. "I may have some matches in there."
Opening the drawer, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Obviously, this causes him to worry. "Is this your husband?" he asks nervously.
"No, silly, I'm not married," she replies, snuggling closer to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he more...

While enjoying a drink with a mate one night, this bloke decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he'd like to come back to her place. The pair jump into a taxi and as soon as they get back to her flat they dive onto the bed and spend the night hard at it. Finally, the spent young bloke rolls over, pulls out acigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand."There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replies.Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the bloke begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquires nervously."No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him."Your boyfriend then?""No, don't be daft," she says, nibbling away at his more...