Maurice Jokes / Recent Jokes

Former Ohio State Running Back Maurice Clarett was arrested by police yesterday without any reference to Jews. You might remember Clarett when he tried to be the the first sophmore to skip his junior and senior year, and go straight into the NFL. Now he going to be the first former all-star to skip the NFL and go straight to prison. Normally you must play at least two years for the Cowboys before you are eligible for jail time.

Justin Williams told this joke on his Cajun Cooking show:
Two Cajuns, Rober' and Maurice, decided that hunting possums had gotten too dull, so they planned a trip to Canada to shoot moose. They flew in commercial planes all the way to Saskatoon, and from there, they hired a bush pilot to take them in a little plane into moose country.
The pilot put them down in a short little airstrip about 200 kms from nowhere.
"Boys," he said, "I'll be back here at noon in three days. You be right here, and remember that this plane is too small to carry more than the three of us and ONE moose. So, there's no need to hunting more than ONE moose, because you won't be able to take but one out of here."
Robert and Maurice nodded agreement, and off the plane went, leaving the two Cajuns in the wilderness, eager for their hunting expedition.
On the third day, the plane landed at 11:55 local time, and there beside the airstrip were Robert and Maurice, each sitting on more...

Coffee maker
[My thanks to Hilary for the following]
Maurice and Becky are arguing over who should brew the coffee each morning.
Becky says, "As you get up first in the morning, Maurice, you should make it. Then we won`t have to wait too long for our coffee."
"But you’re in charge of all the cooking," replies Maurice, "that’s your job, so you should make it. And if I have to wait for my coffee in the morning, well, I don`t mind."
"But it says in the bible that the man should make the coffee," says Becky
"OK, responds Maurice, "if you can show me where it says that, I’ll never question you again."
Next day, Becky borrows a bible from her neighbour and shows Maurice that on the top of several pages it indeed says ‘Hebrews’.

The special award
Maurice had worked most of his life helping his community and he was therefore thrilled one morning to hear that his unselfish work had been recognised by the Queen, no less. She had decided to bestow on Maurice a knighthood.
But his elation soon turned to dismay when he realised that his ceremony would take place on the first night of Pesach. “What on earth should I do”, thought Maurice, “should I attend ceder night with my loving family or should I accept one of the highest honours in the land? His family soon talked him into going to the Palace. “The award is too special to turn down and you would always live to regret it”, they told him.
His next worry was what to say to the Queen. He just couldn`t think of anything that would be of interest to her. He just hoped that he would come up with something on the day.
Come the special day. There was Maurice, on his knees, being knighted, with the Queen touching his shoulders with her sword more...

The Screams
Three men are discussing their previous night`s lovemaking. Alberto the Italian says, "My wife, I rubbed her all over with fine olive oil, then we make wonderful love. She screamed for five minutes. "Marcel the Frenchman says, "I smoothed sweet butter on my wife`s body, then we made passionate love. She screamed for half an hour."
Maurice Cohen says, "I covered my wife`s body with schmaltz. We made love and she screamed for six hours. "The others say, "Six hours? How did you make her scream for six hours?" Maurice shrugs. "I wiped my hands on the drapes."