Mayor Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing adultery. One Sunday, from the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen." This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.

About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come to the confessional, they keep talking about having' fallen.'"

The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about! Your wife fell three times this more...

In 1976, the Pentagon returned 50 security doors because of a design flaw.
The doors, which cost $1,500.00 each, had titanium locks and handles, and a 0.0001" clearance at all edges. The problem was discovered when an angry secretary threw her coffee cup at one of the doors. It went right through the
1/16 inch wood veneer. It was also discovered that if you pulled on the handle, it would come off in your hand.
In 1948, Mayor Jose Hussong, of Baja California, Mexico had a section of highway named after him by the people of his city. On the day it was to be dedicated, a group of officials waited for him to arrive. After they had waited for 2 hours, one of the officials went to the mayor's estate. He was informed that the mayor had been dead for 2 years. The official returned to the dedication and announced that the Mayor was unable to attend due to
health problems.

There was a man who was getting ready to be hanged by the politicians of Aaronztown City. The only way he could ignore death was to convince the mayor to make the politicians change their mind. So he did.
"Hello Mayor Green, I am here to discuss important matter."
"Okay. Very well. Do you want to make any comments before we begin?"
"Yes. Do you mind if I examine the things around here before we begin?"
"Yes."
Darn. Okay, my first question. Do you mind if I do not get hung by the politicians?"
"Yes."
But, I have a family, a long life ahead of me, and lots of friends. Are you sure you mind?"
Yes."
The man growled furiously.
"Do you mind if I don't kill you before I get hung?"
"Yes."

The mayor of Rio said the city has a long way to go to make the city safe for the Olympics. In other words, it's like Chicago, but with the Olympics.

The woman called to her husband from the kitchen of the Texas ranch and said, "Bruno, would you please get the car and drive the kids to the back yard so they can play?" In the days of the Old West, bar fights would often spill over into the street and before anyone knew what happened, it was a full-scale riot.
In one such town, the Mayor wired the Texas Rangers for help. On the next train, a Ranger gets off and is greeted by the astonished Mayor.
"They only sent one Ranger???"
The Ranger straightened his hat, brushed the dust from his coat, and replied, "Y'all only got one riot, right?" A Texan was dictating his will to his lawyer: "To my son I leave the sum of five million dollars, and he's damn lucky I didn't cut him off entirely."

The Warsaw dump was overrun by rats and the mayor sent in the Polish National Guard. A week later, the report the of the operation came out: 40% casualties, and 60% came out with war brides.

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".
This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "you have to do something about the sidewalks in town.When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word.
Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, Your wife fell three times this week."